


I Can't F*cking Breathe

by DanaiaCake



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Bipolar Disorder, Bisexual Iwaizumi, Blowjobs, Breakups, But Iwa is moving on, Drunk Iwaizumi Hajime, Drunk Kissing, Everyone Has Issues, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirty Oikawa Tooru, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hanamaki and Matsukawa are gross, Iwaizumi Hajime Swears, Iwaizumi is a pottymouth, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Moving On, Not Beta Read, Oikawa is Gay, Oikawa is a Wannabe Popstar, One Night Stands, One night stand or not, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Public Display of Affection, Slow Burn, Top Iwaizumi Hajime, Yes there is a woman, depressed iwaizumi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2020-11-25 23:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20920148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanaiaCake/pseuds/DanaiaCake
Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime doesn’t do romance, at least not like everybody else.Oikawa Tooru does do romance, but not like everybody else.A fic where Iwaizumi and Oikawa are dealing with their personal issues that stop them from getting together.





	1. Iwaizumi Hajime Missing Someone

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've written here. But here's a short multi-chaptered fic about my favorite pairing in Haikyuu! Hope you could leave comments to tell me what you think! :)
> 
> Also, I adjusted the number of chapters because apparently I've written too much sex that it needs a whole, dedicated chapter. hahahaha! HALP!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime is totally helpless but refuses to admit it. Oikawa Tooru comes in.

He misses her.

It isn’t the kind of longing that makes him not want to leave his bed because god forbid he is a busy man, with so many things to do, projects to finish, exams to ace and homework to fulfill… so many things in his mind, but _he does miss her._

It isn’t like he is lonely. He has friends who shamelessly pester him whenever they can, dropping by unannounced and unwelcome in his apartment bringing food and beer, to appease him. The conversations and laughters are there to distract him. And yes, he appreciates the company, but _he still misses her._

It isn’t even on the moments he was supposed to. Like going home to an empty apartment, with the lights and the heater turned off, pronouncing the cold even more because apart from the actual winter cold, there is a certain person whose warmth is missing. That one, he can prepare for—he goes home later than usual, when he’s too tired to think and feel and even wonder what’s amiss, no—

Instead, it’s on those small annoying moments that the absence is greatly felt. _The steaming coffee waiting for him in the morning, that is always, always too sweet for his taste, but he still drinks it anyway. The smell of vanilla in her shampoo. The way laughs and her eyes light up whenever she watches the reruns of a bad sitcom that she still watches. That and all the other sounds she makes, the way her body moves, the way her toes curl… the way her lips taste. _He misses her so bad.

He’ll blame the feelings from familiarity—when’s the last time he had someone to care for, save for himself? Granted, they were not in a relationship, _but they didn’t need that._ Both of them decided back then that putting labels on what they have will just make things complicatedThat is fine because Iwaizumi Hajime doesn’t do romance.

That is probably one of the stupidest decisions he ever made as a young adult. Labels are made for a reason—it means that the other person can’t just run off with someone else because what you had has become an inconvenience. It means, he has the right to feel jealous when she came home one night to tell him she fell in love with someone and wishes to move out. Iwaizumi could have cursed her, he could have gotten mad—but he knew he couldn’t. It’s not her fault that she found something she couldn’t find in him. In truth, maybe it’s also his fault. Relationships are messy and he’s not sure if he could handle one, back then.

But he is stubborn as hell and Iwaizumi will be damned if he even allowed himself to admit it. He thinks bitterly about the last time they talked and feels instantly pathetic because he understands how different their relationship had become. They used to be made up of hushed voices, stolen kisses—now, they’re just an impatient phone call.

The conversation they had then is brief—she basically asked him if she left some of her books in his apartment. She didn’t, he had told her—and that’s it. Ever since the two of them broke up, if he can even call it that, he focused his attention in other things, he’s a medicine student and is in line for a residency in a year or two. He’s busy and he doesn’t have time for any relationship.

Yet, he finds himself sitting in his study, staring at his reflection on his phone, white noise ringing in his ear, wishing he could hear her voice. Which is impossible, he knows. Just when that thought crossed his mind, his phone comes alive with a call. He answers it in panic, hearth in his throat, mind full of thoughts of a certain brunette.

“Yo, Iwa.”

Of course, it’s not her. He sighs heavily, “What do you want, Issei?”

“Ouch. You can at least try to pretend you don’t hate me.” 

He’s right. It’s not Matsukawa’s fault that he’s broken hearted and he also knows that he’s being a little bit of an ass. His friend doesn’t wait for an actual apology, “Hanamaki and I are going out for drinks.”

“Hmn…”

“That is supposedly an invitation, asshole.” Matsukawa says impatiently.

“Well, I don’t want to.”

“We’re picking you up in ten minutes.”

He frowns. Matsukawa and Issei’s dormitories are on the other side of town. “Oi, what do you mean?” 

Matsukawa huffs like he is being an idiot—_on hindsight, maybe he was—_“It means we’re on our way to rescue you from your misery, you pathetic human.” 

He hears a snicker in the background, probably Hanamaki. “I don’t want to.” He still says. 

“Well either we drag you out your unshowered ass in your awful shirt and sweats or you get a move on and prepare to get hammered.” This time, it’s Hanamaki’s voice he hears, probably grabbed the phone from Matsukawa seeing as he is not going anywhere near in convincing Iwaizumi.

Hanamaki, he knows, has always been the most persistent. But he doesn’t want to go out. He doesn’t want to because he has some papers to still write and he doesn’t want to spend another night being the third wheel in a date. He doesn’t want to be dragged into another god forsaken place with Hanamaki and Matsukawa telling him he needs to cut loose. He doesn’t want it—

So he doesn’t understand why he had dragged himself to the shower, pulled on some decent clothes _(by decent, it means a dark shirt under his favorite denim hoody and the black pants Hanamaki always complimented him in)_ and is now sitting in front of his two friends, watching them unabashedly make out.

The bar they had dragged him into is one of the more exclusive ones in their town, the one with two levels and an actual DJ playing a track. Hanamaki got them a good seat on the second floor, winking that it’s from a client who owns the place. Iwaizumi has half a mind to ask what the guy really does for a living but whenever he does, the guy just gives him a knowing smile and moves on as if he didn’t ask the question. Iwaizumi thinks he is either selling drugs or his body and knowing Hanamaki, he won’t be surprised if he does both.

The second floor is for people who likes to chill and relax while watching the chaos of the first floor dancefloor where all the young people are mashing themselves together in a poor attempt to dance. Still, there is a hint of the pounding music spilling on their floor but not loud enough to not hear the scandalous sounds coming from his two friends. Iwaizumi sighs, thanking God that people around them are either used to seeing that or are not really interested about two grown men making out because nobody seems to be paying them attention.

He grunts in annoyance when he noticed Hanamaki begin to straddle Matsukawa’s waist as they continue to lock lips. He picks up his glass and throws back the remaining bourbon down his throat. It stings but pays it no mind, focusing instead on the bodies swaying down at the dancefloor noticing his vision is a bit fuzzy already.

_It’s just my third glass_. He isn’t a heavy drinker per se, but if he will stay in the presence of Hanamaki and Matsukawa, he knows he needs a little bit more alcohol. He excuses himself from their table, Matsukawa gesturing him to go with his hand even when Hanamaki is busy mouthing on his neck. _Gross. _

He moves towards the bar, sits down on an empty stool and gestures at the bespectacled and blonde bartender with a snooty face. The guy blinks at him disapprovingly and says something about holding back but Iwaizumi grunts in response. The guy doesn’t say anything more, he just sighs and moves to prepare his drink.

He is about to give the bartender some cash when another hand appears beside him holding out a card, “Put it on my tab,Tsukki.” Tsukki sighs and nods, taking the card from the hand. He looks over to the extended hand and its master. It’s a tall guy with a stupidly megawatt friendly smile, brown sparkling eyes and fluffy brown hair, bouncing with his every move.

Iwaizumi is sure he has seen that face somewhere.

“Oikawa Tooru.” The man says picking up Iwaizumi’s drink and handing it to him, “Here.” Iwaizumi frowns because he has definitely heard that name before but couldn’t remember where. Instead, he mutters, “Why?” Oikawa just shrugs and sits on the stool beside him, “You just look like you need it.”

Iwaizumi finally looks at him, noticing how annoyingly flashy his clothes are—a pristine white coat decorated with mint and silver trimmings over a black tight-fitting low-cut shirt that exposes the milky white skin of his chest; black leather pants showing the curve of his ass—too tight, that wearing them should be illegal and those flashy buckled boots that add a couple bit more inches to his height, as if he needed more. Iwaizumi’s first thoughts will have to be _is this guy for real?_ He figures that if someone else is wearing those clothes, it would have looked like the monstrosity that it is—but somehow, Oikawa looks _gorgeous_. He is too beautiful to be a guy, really.

Oikawa seems to appreciate Iwaizumi’s eyes drinking him in, but says nothing of it. Maybe he is drunk, because he usually doesn’t just accept free drinks from a stranger, let alone, someone as obnoxiously as the guy, but he takes the drink anyway and grumbles a soft _thanks_.

A minute of silence passes before Oikawa speaks again, “So, you have a name?” Iwaizumi just wants to get away from the bar and simply not talk, but he figures he could tell the man his name… _he did buy me a drink._ “Iwaizumi Hajime.” He says. Oikawa hums in response, “That’s a mouthful. I think I’ll just call you Iwa-chan.”

He sputters on his drink and glares at Oikawa who seems pretty pleased with himself, “Oi, don’t go giving strangers nicknames that easily.” Oikawa grins at him, “But you’re not a stranger anymore, you just told me your name and I already bought you a drink. So officially, this could be our first date, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi gives the man a blank stare. _What?_ Oikawa is still smiling at him—and it’s both beautiful and annoying at the same time. Oikawa, noticing the lack of response, frowns, “What’s wrong, Iwa-chan? I know I’m pretty, but you don’t look half as bad yourself.” Iwaizumi will not acknowledge the heat rising up to his face with that compliment especially when Oikawa adds, “I mean, you could use some nicer clothes but…”

_Coming from a guy who dresses like a wannabe popstar._

“Has anybody told you, you have a shitty personality?” Iwaizumi snaps. Oikawa pauses, then he chuckles at Iwaizumi, “That’s the most reaction I’ve seen you do tonight, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi is just stunned at how selfishly confident this person is—like he’s only hearing things he wants to hear.

Iwaizumi turns away and looks back at the bar, drinking half of his glass in one go. His head begins throbbing and he catches the eyes of the bartender who apparently has been eavesdropping at their conversation. The look the blonde gives him is pure pity. _Fucking hell._ He can feel the assault of an oncoming headache already—and he’s not even sure if it’s from consuming too much alcohol or something…_someone else_. 

“You want to dance?” Oikawa’s voice singsongs the question and Iwaizumi wants to growl at him to just let him be. “Can’t you just leave me alone?” he finally asks.

Oikawa hums as if in contemplation, but instead of an answer, he smiles once again and says, “Don’t you want to dance with me?”

Iwaizumi looks at the man right in front of him—_he is indeed gorgeous_, but pompous as hell. He opens his mouth to tell him, _no_ but Oikawa doesn’t even wait for his response, suddenly, a hand yanks his wrist and before he can react, he is being pulled out of the stool and across the floor towards the stairs. 

Iwaizumi stares at the man’s ass, thinking, why the hell does he have to look this gorgeous. _Or maybe he’s drunk. Yeah, he definitely is drunk._

“I have company.” He says softly and Oikawa stops, regards him for a while with a worried look. Somehow, Iwaizumi decides, that look doesn’t suit well on Oikawa’s _pretty_ face. He mentally curses himself for being too generous with flowery words for Oikawa, _gorgeous, beautiful, pretty_—he needs to learn to control himself goddamit. “You mean another date?” Oikawa’s voice is a bit unsure and the hand holding Iwaizumi’s wrist twitches. Iwaizumi doesn’t like the sound of it. 

“My friends.” He fills in immediately, somehow, afraid that Oikawa will break away, _why? _He doesn’t know. His eyes move towards the table he vacated minutes ago where Matsukawa and Hanamaki who has thankfully stopped kissing each other, are now engaged in feeding each other with some nachos. _Great friends_, he mutters inwardly. 

Oikawa’s eyes follow his line of sight and hums, “They look busy.”

Of course they are, Iwaizumi hates them so much. He doubts they even bothered looking for him. When those two are together, they get consumed with each other almost entirely which is why he hates going out with them.

Oikawa is dragging him again towards the dance floor and he has no choice but to follow. Unlike on the second floor, the first floor is ultimate chaos—the noise, the heat. There are bodies everywhere and if he is a wee bit claustrophobic, he might have had a damn panic attack.

He is being pulled and pushed everywhere and on the third time Oikawa lost his grip on him and found him again, Iwaizumi makes the choice to hold his hand and interlace their fingers together. It’s not supposed to mean anything—it’s just more convenient that way. But when Oikawa looks back at him with a surprised expression, followed by a satisfied smile, a certain kind of warmth fills him. 

Oikawa pulls him into the middle of the dancefloor as a new wave of song begins. The guy places his hands on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, chuckling as if Iwaizumi needs more obvious proof that he is smaller than the guy. It doesn’t matter now, because Oikawa moves his hands to guide Iwaizumi’s hands to his hips before moving back up again.

The bass is thrumming in Iwaizumi’s ear the heat surrounding him is inescapable. That doesn’t compare however, to the burning fire inside him which is _definitely not because of_ the way Oikawa is grinding against him, mouth against his ear, warm breath making him shudder. Oikawa is livid, his laughter rises above the noise of everything and despite the low light, Iwaizumi can see the way his eyes sparkle with mirth.

“You’re cute, Iwa-chan.” He doesn’t register Oikawa’s voice at first, not when the said guy places his leg between Iwaizumi’s thighs and rubs his groin against it. Iwaizumi almost groans but he bites his lips and grits his teeth, digging his fingers on Oikawa’s hips. He is not dancing, at all, but Oikawa doesn’t seem to mind—content of grinding against a human pole.

Oikawa raises his hand to touch his cheek and Iwaizumi’s drunk self almost leans into the touch. _Almost._ Oikawa chuckles, “It’s cute how you try to resist me.” The moment he says that, Oikawa turns from his hold and grinds his ass against Iwaizumi’s hardening length—which _when did it happen?_ Iwaizumi bites down a gasp, finds Oikawa’s hips again and pulls on him tighter. Oikawa looks back at him with a smile, “You do find me irresistible, don’t you, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi is not thinking anymore, when Oikawa turns around and reaches for him, opening his mouth to say something again, Iwaizumi jumps right in, covering that stupid mouth with his own. He swallows the gasp that escapes from Oikawa before he feels the soft lips moving against his. A probing tongue enters his mouth and he match it with his own, coiling and tasting each other. _Lime, cherry and vodka._ That awful concoction must have been what Oikawa’s drinking tonight and he can taste it clearly in their tongues.

Their bodies rubbing against each other in a heated dance and he feels their erections through their pants. Oikawa’s hands are on his hair, tugging and pulling as he groans into submission. Iwaizumi loves it—the way the man’s body is reacting, the way he sounds. It’s been so long since he’s been intimate with someone, let alone a guy. _God, he is making out with a guy._ When they pull away from each other, Oikawa’s eyes are glassy but for the first time in the night, he’s speechless. 

Not for long, he grins—his swollen, wet lips glistening against the light, “You sure as hell could kiss.” 

_Fuck him and his stupid mouth._ Iwaizumi wants to spat out but he’s way too drunk and too horny to really say anything. “Let’s go.” Oikawa says again, tugging him away from the crowd and out of the bar.

“Where are we going?” He manages to ask against the pounding music.

Oikawa smiles and stops in his steps. He moves closer to Iwaizumi, whispering in his ear, “My apartment is just a few blocks away from here.” He grins, “I just want you to fuck me senseless.” He flicks his tongue against Iwaizumi’s earlobe and the latter shudders in response.

Iwaizumi looks at the way their hands are interlaced together. _Maybe this is what he needs. A good fuck and he’ll be back to normal._

** _...to be continued..._ **


	2. Oikawa Tooru is fucking gorgeous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just pure smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the reason why we have the Smut and Explicit tag. I rarely write these kinds of scenes so tell me if it's anywhere good. Thanks!

They take a cab to Oikawa’s place—hands still interlaced together as the sexual tension fills the air around them. Iwaizumi is panicking inwardly, because _what the fuck is he doing?_

True, he’s not one for romantic grand gestures, but he definitely isn’t for sad, meaningless fucks. _Especially with a man!_ Okay, he knows he’s not totally against the idea, he figured that out years ago (when he was in highschool, specifically) that he could be attracted with both women and men, but for the remainder of his life, he only dated girls. He can feel his resolve to do this, dissolving easily and then he feels Oikawa squeeze his hand. He looks up at the man and he thinks, _well, none of the girls he dated ever comes close to Oikawa’s beauty._

As if he needed more reason, Oikawa raises his hand and pops his thumb into his mouth, licking it sensually. Iwaizumi groans softly, feeling himself harden it’s almost painful, seeing his face reflected in Oikawa’s glistening eyes. Thankfully before he could even back out and as Oikawa said—it doesn’t take long for them to arrive at Oikawa’s building. Within a few minutes and a few awkward stares from the doorman and a couple of people in the elevator, they’re already stumbling into Oikawa’s apartment.

It’s dark and Iwaizumi isn’t really paying much attention to his surroundings when they’re fumbling with each other’s clothes, grabbing and kissing at each other’s skin. Iwaizumi is slammed against the wall, and the impact hits his head, but before he can complain, Oikawa’s mouth is on his jaw, sucking and nipping on his fevered skin. He grabs Oikawa’s hair, pulling him so he can reverse their position and claim his lips in a brutal kiss. “Ah… Iwa-chan.” Teeth clicking and tongue clashing against each other, he feels Oikawa moan and shudder beneath him. Iwaizumi pulls away a bit and asks, “Which room?”

The man understands right away, licking on his lips before breathing out, “Left.” Iwaizumi finds it funny how they’re communication has been limited to one to two words. But they are both breathless and talking takes a lot of effort when they could have been kissing. Oikawa’s hands reaches out to remove his jacket and pull on his shirt which he discards on the floor. “Hmmn…” Oikawa hums in appreciation, squeezing his biceps.

Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa’s ass, pulling him closer so the latter could feel his erection and Oikawa gasps, automatically straddling his hips effectively. Iwaizumi is surprised that despite the height difference, he is able to carry Oikawa’s weight as he starts traversing the apartment towards the other’s room.

He manages to find the room that belongs to the guy currently clinging to him, sucking marks onto his neck. They crash onto the bed, his weight crushing the man who whimpers against him, “So rough, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa manages to tease despite being breathless himself—somehow along the way, both of them had lost their shirts and Iwaizumi now has the unhindered view of Oikawa’s chest.

He stares down at him, the milky white skin reflecting the only light in the room coming from the window. Oikawa is looking up at him, his eyes filled with lust, anticipation and something else—something Iwaizumi can’t pinpoint what. He places his hand on Oikawa’s chest, stretching it widely so he can see the difference of their color, appreciating the way Oikawa gasps when he accidentally touches one of the man’s pink nipple. “Uh...” It hardens beneath his touch and he leans in, and tries to lick it with the tip of his tongue. _It’s not really different than with a woman._ Oikawa gives an open-mouthed gasp and that only furthers his need as he puts the swollen nub into his mouth, rolling it with his lips and tongue before sucking gently. 

Oikawa sucks in his breath, “Iwa-chan…” Iwaizumi pushes the man into the mattress, feeling him struggle against his hold as he moves to release the nipple and takes in the other one into his mouth and does the same ministrations. Iwaizumi grunts in response, releasing him finally and works on pulling Oikawa’s impossibly tight pants. It’s a fucking struggle and he groans in frustration, “Why the fuck do you wear this?” 

Oikawa who has recovered from Iwaizumi’s assault on his chest, chuckles and takes both Iwaizumi’s hands from his thighs. He pulls Iwaizumi onto the bed, forcing him to lie down before he moves away from the bed. Iwaizumi pushes himself up with his elbows and looks at Oikawa. The man’s movement is slow but confident like a predator as he looks down at him, “Have you ever done it with a man, Iwa-chan?”

Thank heavens it’s dark so Oikawa doesn’t see the blush on his cheeks from embarrassment. He opens his mouth to answer, but what can he say? It’s not like he’s against the idea, or ever was, it’s just that the opportunity never presented itself and well, he has never seen a guy as pretty as Oikawa. The man, seeing the distraught look on his face, chuckles, “I thought so.” 

Oikawa kneels on the floor and starts crawling towards him, pushing his legs open. His eyes are hooded and Iwaizumi feels the heat pool in his stomach as Oikawa begins unbuckling his belt and opening the zip of his pants. Oikawa reaches out inside his pants and Iwaizumi gives a breathless, silent gasp when Oikawa frees his erection and grips it tightly. “Hmn… you’re big.” Oikawa hums appreciatively. 

“Shut up, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi manages to grunt, despite the embarrassment. Oikawa chuckles, “That’s not so nice, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi looks down at the man and regrets it immediately as he sucks in a heavy breath when Oikawa takes his cock into his mouth. “Fuck!” He groans, as the heat of Oikawa’s mouth engulfs him. 

Oikawa’s tongue swirls around the head of his cock and takes him fully. He can feel the exact moment his cock hits the back of Oikawa’s throat, making the latter choke a bit. _Fuck! Fuck Oikawa and his stupid fucking mouth! _He shuts his eyes and allows himself to be lost in the sensation of this fucking amazing blowjob. Oikawa is mewling and moaning against him and the sounds—_the fucking sounds—_is enough to make him ejaculate prematurely, only he doesn’t want this to end.

He forces himself to open his eyes as he grabs Oikawa’s head, carding his hand through his hair, tugging softly until the taller man looks up at him with hooded eyes. “Shit, Oikawa.” He breathes out watching Oikawa’s pink tongue lick on his cock like it’s a damn popsicle. He can feel the familiar heat pooling in his stomach, knows all too well that he’s about to come and Oikawa seems to understand it.

The man grins at him before taking him again and Iwaizumi watches in amazement as his entire cock disappears in Oikawa’s mouth. _That’s it._ With a suppressed groan, he comes hard, pumping his seed into Oikawa’s open mouth, cursing internally for how easily he has come undone. 

When he has come down from his high, Oikawa moves towards him, licking his lips because _holy shit, he swallowed!_“You have a good diet.” He compliments, but even with that simple comment, Iwaizumi feels himself harden some more. Oikawa moves so he can kiss him and other times, Iwaizumi would have found that gross, but tasting himself in Oikawa’s mouth sends him in another form of bliss which goes straight to his groan.

Oikawa grabs his flaccid cock, pumping it into full hardness again and Iwaizumi curses under his breath because in a few minutes, his cock is half hard, again. _Fucking hell._ Oikawa, satisfied of this crawls out of the bed. Iwaizumi is watching him as he stands in the middle of the room, where the light is looking like a fucking spotlight, turns around and starts tugging on the zipper at the side of his pants _(which Iwaizumi didn’t see a few moments ago)_.

He bends over, giving Iwaizumi a full view of his ass as he pulls the pants down and Iwaizumi gulps seeing the white thong peeking out between his ass cheeks, his erection leaving an obvious dent on the scant material. _God, he is so fucking hot_ and Iwaizumi hates it because he thinks the man is fully aware of this and uses this to his advantage.

Oikawa looks back at him, glad that Iwaizumi is still watching, noticing how the man is staring intently at his perfect ass before giving him a full smile. “Iwa-chan, you’re drooling.” He teases and Iwaizumi looks at him. There must be something in the way his eyes looked because Oikawa’s mouth forms into a small _“o”_ and whatever words he’s about to say dies down.

As if comes over him, erasing his logic and before he can stop himself, Iwaizumi is up on his feet, grabbing Oikawa by the hand and the shoulder, crashing his mouth against the taller guy who stumbles in his steps. It’s good, though—because Iwaizumi has turned from kissing him to ravishing his mouth with the brutal way he is biting his lips, sucking on Oikawa’s tongue as if his life depended on it. _Maybe it does, because god, he had never felt this aroused in his entire life_.

_Reasons be damned! _Iwaizumi is sure Oikawa spiked his drink for him to behave this way, but fuck it, if it isn’t the hottest thing he has ever done.

Iwaizumi leads them to the bed, grabbing Oikawa’s plump ass and kneading it with eager palms. His hands are rough and Oikawa revels in it, rewarding him with more moans and gasps that shake him to the core. When Iwaizumi suddenly grounds his hard cock against Oikawa’s the latter gasps in pleasure. Iwaizumi continues to ground his hips onto Oikawa’s as he marks his chest with nips and kisses. It’s all too much for him and he can feel that Oikawa is also about to come, with the way his legs are shaking from total want.

“Iwa-chan, wait.” He breathes out once Iwaizumi has begun licking and kissing his way down to his cock. Iwaizumi chooses to ignore him as he bites the thong, tugging it with his teeth to reveal Oikawa’s flushed and hard member. He’s about to return the favor of a blowjob, but Oikawa’s hands are now on his shoulders, pushing him away. He frowns at him—clearly irritated at being disturbed, “What?”

Oikawa gives a small smile, “I want to ride you.” 

_Fuck._ Oikawa pushes him away before reaching out to his desk to grab a bottle of lube and condom—the latter he throws to Iwaizumi who understands right away and wears it. Iwaizumi is watching him intently, not saying a word even when Oikawa is pushing him down the bed and moves to straddle his hips again. Instead of sitting down on his lap, Oikawa raises his bottom and uncaps the lube, pouring some in two fingers, “This is how you prep me.”

He says this as if they will have sex again. He thinks about that possibility and feels electrified. He watches as a single digit enters Oikawa. A gasp escapes his lips and Iwaizumi is transfixed at how hot and gorgeous Oikawa looks at that moment. He watches the digit disappear in and out of Oikawa’s hole, throat getting drier every minute. When Oikawa pushes another finger inside, Iwaizumi feels his control wavering.

He moves so he’s sitting down looking up at Oikawa and snakes his arms around the taller man’s hips before he pinches the neglected nipple of the man before taking it again into his mouth. The sudden assault causes Oikawa to give a breathless gasp and suddenly he has pulled out his fingers from him and grabs Iwaizumi’s shoulders.

He is grinning at Oikawa who is giving him the most adorable pout, “No fair, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi shrugs and kisses him in the mouth as if to apologize. Considering the way Oikawa kisses him back, it seems he has been forgiven—especially when he feels the other grab his erection, lining him up to his entrance.

When Oikawa lowers himself down to Iwaizumi’s erection—Iwaizumi’s world is about to explode. He grips Oikawa’s hips tightly as he feels the immense tight heat surround him. This is totally different from when Oikawa gave him the blowjob, entering him is too much pleasure it is almost bordering in pain.

Oikawa is a writhing mess, gasping and moaning as he bottoms out, murmuring how he’s _too big_ and how _I should have used more lube._ But Iwaizumi is not listening. The tight heat is suffocating him and he feels like he is drowning. _Fuck if doing it with a guy feels this good, what has he done his entire life?!_

Oikawa stills as he tries to catch his breath and Iwaizumi, finally, finally looks up at him. The confident, annoying face is gone and replaced with a completely debauched face—skin flushed, pupils blown wild, tears dripping down his cheeks. 

Iwaizumi feels his cock twitch in arousal because _he did that._ He moves a bit and Oikawa gasps his name, nails scratching on Iwaizumi’s shoulders and he knows how overwhelming it must have felt for Oikawa. So he stills as well and allows the other to take deep steady breaths, even when he wants to pound into him senseless.

When Oikawa shifts a bit, Iwaizumi knows he’s ready. He thrusts up onto the man who throws his arms around Iwaizumi and moans aloud. Iwaizumi does it again and again, watching how Oikawa unravels above him. When it has become too much, Oikawa moves so he can use both hands to lean on the bed, giving Iwaizumi a full view of his chest and his cock, springing with every move. Iwaizumi has never seen anything more beautiful.

Growling under his breath, Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa by the hips and flips him onto his stomach, before he enters him again in one full thrust. The shift on position makes Oikawa scream as Iwaizumi hits his prostrate and Iwaizumi immediately understands this.

He grabs Oikawa’s ass, watching himself disappear in between those cheeks and into a tight heat he has never experienced before. He has a half a mind to stop himself from smacking that delicious before he’s grabbing Oikawa’s cock into his hand, milking him.

“Iwa-chan… Iwa-chan…” Oikawa is saying his name in a broken prayer and Iwaizumi bites Oikawa’s neck making the other man moan in pain and pleasure as he comes unto Iwaizumi’s hands, spilling cum everywhere. The sudden tightness is what did Iwaizumi in and he comes a few moments after Oikawa does.

They fall down into the mattress—Iwaizumi right above Oikawa, crushing him but the other doesn’t seem to mind. They are both sweaty and sticky but in a complete post-coital bliss. A few moments pass and then Oikawa raises a hand and holds Iwaizumi’s face to look at him. Iwaizumi does and he sees the brown pools of Oikawa’s eyes—realizes how flawlessly beautiful he really is. _God, it is so not fair._ He thinks Oikawa will ruin the moment by speaking again, but he doesn’t speak.

The kiss Oikawa gives him is soft and sweet.

_ **...to be continued...** _


	3. Iwaizumi Hajime Doesn't Do One Night Stands, Or Does He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Oikawa's friends or babysitters and Matsukawa has something to say that made Iwaizumi think about why he doesn't like relationships.

It is a cacophony of sensations that rouses Iwaizumi from sleep. His alarm going off, the lights streaming from the window and the pounding pain in his head. With a grunt, he begins grasping for his phone under his pillow and finds nothing. He opens his eyes, raises his head and immediately regrets the action when the pounding headache a pierces his skull.

_What the fuck?!_ He curses as he closes his eyes again and falls back down to bed, trying to regain his bearings—He did went with Matsukawa and Hanamaki last night to drink, but he didn’t realize he got so drunk to warrant this terrible hangover.

A sudden realization follows when he realizes this isn’t his pillow nor his bed—it smells of fresh bamboo a scent he never uses. _Where the fuck is he?_ The alarm _thankfully _goes into snooze and he feels a movement beside him. _What the actual fuck?!_ Fighting off the pain in his head, he forces himself to open his eyes and look at the person sleeping beside him.

The moment he sees those familiar brown locks, pink pursed lips (a bit of drool on the corner of his mouth), long lashes on closed eyes and those marks littering the other man’s jaw and chest—he immediately remembers. _Fuck._ He cups his head with his hands, willing the pounding to go away as memories of last night comes flooding back.

He remembers drinking, dancing and well… _the amazing sex._ He remembers the half-hearted way they rushed to clean themselves up so they’re decent for bed. He remembers telling Oikawa he needs to go home, but the man simply pointed out how drunk he is and tucks him in bed. It’s embarrassing, he thinks. He has never done one-night stands before—and is this even considered a one-night stand when he’s still here in the morning?

Oikawa, who is by the way still totally naked, curls to one side when Iwaizumi moves, his long legs folding into a more comfortable position and Iwaizumi is fucking mesmerized because if the guy looks hot in the dark—he is damn beautiful under the morning light. There is something really breathtaking with how raw he looks in the morning—none of that god-awful clothes and especially that rather pompous attitude—only that serene, flawless beauty he has been gifted with. Right now, Iwaizumi can fully appreciate him and he does, despite his mind telling him to get the move on. _When’s the last time I will see him like this again? Probably never_.

Because Iwaizumi Hajime doesn’t do romance. Doesn’t do casual sex. His friends sometimes call him a prude and probably for good reasons. But in truth, he’s too busy to deal with any form of relationship, whether a serious one or just casual hook-ups. Because that’s what this is—just meaningless, albeit awesome, fuck. 

His phone is the one that breaks the magic with his ringtone signaling an incoming call—the shrill sound sending his head to bits. Cursing under his breath, he forces himself to move and retrieves his pants on the floor, groaning in every sudden movement. He doesn’t even bother to check who’s calling when he hears Hanamaki on the other side of the line, “Iwaizumi! You finally fucking answered!” Iwaizumi distances his ear from the receiver but can still hear Hanamaki calling out to someone from the other line, “Babe! He finally fucking answered! This fucker!”

“Fucking… calm down.” Iwaizumi rubs his temples in annoyance, keeping his voice hushed. He glances over at Oikawa who is still sleeping. That’s how he knows Oikawa is a heavy sleeper. The man has stretched one of his legs, sheets tangled on those long thighs and Iwaizumi now has a magnificent view of that ass and hips. He feels his face heat up when he notices the marks left by his fingers on Oikawa’s hips. 

“Oi, Iwaizumi! Are you fucking listening to me?” Hanamaki is shouting again and it doesn’t do anything to help his headache. “You just fucking left last night and when we checked your apartment, you’re not here! Do you know how worried we were?! We thought you died in a ditch somewhere!” 

Iwaizumi should have been touched but his head feels fucking terrible and doesn’t appreciate the attack, “You fuckers didn’t even realize I was gone until you had to leave.”

That shut Hanamaki up. _Bingo!_ Iwaizumi smirks to himself as he moves to retrieve his boxers, slipping them on quickly. It’s Matsukawa’s voice of reason that he hears next, “Listen, Iwa. We were really worried. Okay, it’s probably shitty that we ignored you but…” 

Iwaizumi feels guilty immediately. Take it from Matsukawa to be the objective person in the room, _sometimes, _at least when it matters, “Yeah, I know. I know. But I’m okay. Just… hung over.” 

Matsukawa sighs, “Where did you spend the night, though?” 

Iwaizumi looks at Oikawa and sighs, “… A friend’s house.” 

He hears Hanamaki again, and he realizes he’s on speaker phone, “Bullshit. We’re the only ones you’ve got.” There’s a bit of humor in Hanamaki’s voice, definitely forgetting his recent outburst. Iwaizumi finds himself smirking, “Fuck off. I’m on my way home now. I feel like shit so I might as well take the day off.” 

“Do you need us to pick you up?” Matsukawa again. Iwaizumi almost agrees but he knows that more than concern, his friends are actually being nosy about where he actually spent the night so he just shakes his head, cursing at the pain the single action caused him, “No… I’d take the train or something.” 

He manages to put his pants on before he sinks to the floor, his vision swirling, fighting of the need to hurl. “…Iwa, are you listening?” He hears Matsukawa’s distant voice and realizes he has dropped his phone. He picks it up again with a grunt, “Listen, I’ll just call you again but I’m fine.” He doesn’t even wait for a reply before he hangs up. 

He leans back and places his head against the comfort of the mattress, wishing he didn’t drink that much last night. He wonders if he should wait for Oikawa to wake up, because he has no idea where he is, but eventually figures that would only make things between them more awkward. He considers leaving and just sending him a message but realizes too quickly that they haven’t exchanged numbers. He considers leaving him a note but that is too much of a fucking cliché. 

He thinks he’s being presumptuous thinking Oikawa wants to do anything with him. _He’s a good fuck, nothing more, nothing less._ He wonders why that thought makes his throat tighten. He takes a slow deep breath and decides that it’s best if he leaves now.

Oikawa’s apartment, he realizes now, is one of the nicer ones. He doesn’t recall what floor they alighted to last night, but looking out the window, he notices they are a bit far up. There’s also a veranda with a hanging rack where some clothes are drying. Potted plants decorate the two-bedroom unit making the rather plain looking interior look a bit homey. It has a quaint kitchenette with a small stove and ref as well as a coffee machine and microwave. There’s no dining table and only just a kitchen aisle with stools screwed to the floor. The living room has a brown leather loveseat, a low table and a television pushed against the wall. 

The place looks basic and modern—enough for at least two people to live comfortably. He wonders if Oikawa is living with a roommate and he finds his answer soon enough while he is in the process of slipping on his shirt. He hears a jingle of keys before the door slams open—“Tooru, you fucking minx! What the hell did you…” The voice trails from the new person when he notices Iwaizumi, halfway to wearing his shirt.

Iwaizumi stares at the shorter man—gray hair, wide gray eyes staring back at him, mouth agape. He looks harmless enough, _pretty even, _but Iwaizumi can’t help but feel suddenly vulnerable, especially when the man looks him up and down, “Who are you?”

He fixes his shirt immediately and attempts to answer but couldn’t properly respond because 1) is this Oikawa’s boyfriend? And 2) what do you call yourself when you just had a one-night stand that doesn’t feel like that because as a rule? One-night stands should never spill over the morning after so what is he, really?

The man doesn’t seem to need an answer though because he gives a knowing smirk at him before offering his hand, “Sugawara Koushi. Call me Suga.” He says looking amusedly at Iwaizumi’s struggle like a freaking sadist, “I’m one of the _babysitters_.” Iwaizumi frowns at that but Suga walks inside, picking up Oikawa’s discarded while giving him a knowing look. 

Iwaizumi doesn’t know but he feels very uncomfortable under Suga’s gaze—and he can’t pinpoint why. There’s just something really unnerving about it. 

“So, where is he?” Suga asks, casually moving to the kitchen, opening the cupboards to prepare coffee. It’s a bit weird how he moves like he belongs there—but he quickly thinks about the hundreds of times Matsukawa and Hanamaki invades his home and does the same thing with him. Iwaizumi clears his throat, “Uh… still asleep.” 

Suga is methodically preparing coffee with the machine and Iwaizumi watches his lithe movements. How very natural for this person to move in that small kitchen and he wonders what Suga meant when he said he’s the _babysitter_. 

“Well, he was kept busy last night.” 

Another voice comes from where the bedrooms are and it’s too late before Iwaizumi realizes there’s another person in the apartment. _Another person. In the apartment. This whole fucking time._

It’s a taller guy with glinting, catlike eyes, a lopsided grin and the worst bedhead he has ever seen. He’s not wearing any shirt showing off defined muscles that Iwaizumi is forced to think he’s an athlete or something. The aura the man is giving is definitely different from Suga. If Suga has that slightly mysteriously malevolent look under his relatively innocent face… this

“Oh, Kuroo. Good morning! I didn’t know you’re back.” Suga chirps.

Kuroo nods at Suga walking towards the kitchen to grab some mugs. “Kuroo.” Is his way of introducing himself, nodding at Iwaizumi while still giving him that scrutinizing stare, “_Iwa-chan_, right?” Iwaizumi frowns, confused as realization dawns on him when Kuroo grins again. “Yeah, we have thin walls.”

_I wish the floor would open up and just swallow me whole._ Iwaizumi’s face turns immediately red to the amusement of Suga who sputters in his coffee and bursts out laughing. 

Iwaizumi wonders if embarrassing him is part of the initiation of Oikawa’s friends or are they usually like this but figures that he doesn’t really want to stay to find out. He clears his throat, “Um… I’ll be on my way.” 

He’s about to run out of there, because everything is just awkward but before he could even take more than five steps, before he hears a very familiar voice and he tells himself, that no—he doesn’t feel relief or even a bit of excitement with the sound. 

“Kou-chan… it’s too early for this.” Half-awake Oikawa pads out of the room, wearing a white oversized shirt and green boxers, rubbing his eyes, “You guys are too energetic in the morning.” Iwaizumi needs to control himself because the first thought in his mind when he saw Oikawa is that he looks adorable in those clothes. 

“Hey Tooru.” Suga greets, giving Oikawa a mug which he had apparently already prepared. Oikawa accepts it, beaming at Suga before he turns to Kuroo, “When did you arrive?”

“Last night. My flight came in a little early which is actually surprising, all things considered.” Kuroo says, finally looking around the cupboard and retrieves a box of cereals. Oikawa scans the room and sees him—staring dumbfoundedly at how awkwardly normal the conversation is. 

The surprised look Oikawa gives is enough to make Iwaizumi move. “I’m going.” He says fighting the urge to say _thank you_ or _It was fun _because it’s definitely inappropriate. But really, he doesn’t know anything about the ethical rules of _one-night stands._ Or if anything exists at all. 

He hears Oikawa say something but the words don’t register because he’s already out of the apartment and walking down the hallway. He doesn’t even ask where the bus stop or the train station is—he can figure it out but he just needs to get out of there. 

It is either the sudden movement or something else, but when gets down at the lobby of the apartment, his headache is suddenly back and he stumbles in his steps. The doorman gives him a judgmental look but he doesn’t care as he drags himself onto one of the old ottomans lined up against the wall. 

“Shit!” He curses closing his eyes for a bit. Maybe he should have taken Matsukawa’s offer to pick him up. He can live with their teases, anyway. He doesn’t know how long he’s been doing there as he’s too busy fighting against the throbbing pain that he doesn’t even notice soft footsteps walking towards him. Only until something cold touches his cheek, making him jump in surprise does he realize he’s already not alone.

“Relax, Iwa-chan.” It’s Oikawa, smiling sheepishly at him holding a cold bottle of water. From the looks of it, Oikawa has just brushed his hair, pulled over a sweater and wore some pants to follow him down, “It’s just me.”

_It’s just me._ He says this as if he’s not the most beautiful thing Iwaizumi has ever seen and also why the fuck is he thinking about that? “Oikawa, I’m just waiting for…” 

“For your hangover to pass?” Oikawa supplies, “You can’t do that while you’re dehydrated.” He pushes the bottle of water again to Iwaizumi who gratefully accepts it. He realizes how right Oikawa was the moment the water touches his parched throat. Oikawa nudges him to move so he could sit down beside him, watching in amusement with the way he’s gulping the water. 

Iwaizumi wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stay and intrude.” 

Oikawa answers with a chuckle, “You were not intruding. My friends can be nosy at times. But they mean well.” Iwaizumi can totally relate.

“Well, it looked like you were also not expecting me to still be here.”

Oikawa hums, “Well, to be honest. I thought you left last night even when I told you not to. It’s just…” His voice trails off and a sadness crosses his face for a split second before he recovers himself and shakes his head, “Anyway, since you’re here. Do you want to have breakfast?” 

Iwaizumi thinks about it. If they have breakfast, he can definitely not call this a _one-night stand_. Oikawa is looking at him expectantly with those big brown eyes and Iwaizumi wants to say yes, but it’s getting more and more harder to breathe. More than the pounding migraine, he thinks about what saying yes will entail. He’s overthinking this again. He opens his mouth to say, _Sure_ but instead he says, “I can’t.”

A hint of disappointment crosses Oikawa’s face—fleeting that it almost seems that Iwaizumi just imagined it. “I feel like shit right now.” Iwaizumi adds as if to explain. Oikawa nods, “Yeah, I know. Sorry I asked.”

They stay silent for a while and then Iwaizumi is up on his wobbly feet, “I should get going.” 

Oikawa stands, too, “The train station is just three blocks away from here. I can walk—” 

“No!” He doesn’t mean it to sound that harsh and he winces when Oikawa blinks at him in surprise, “I mean, no need. I can manage.”

Oikawa smiles again, but it’s not the smile he knows. “Okay, Iwa-chan. I’ll see you around.” 

“Yeah, um… I’ll see you around.” Iwaizumi waves before walking towards the sliding door. He doesn’t even look back to see the solemn face of his one-night stand.

\---

It takes a whole day and a half of hibernating in his room for Iwaizumi to feel like a decent human being again. As expected, the day after his absence in university, one of the duo dropped by unannounced in his apartment. 

Thankfully, it’s Matsukawa and not Hanamaki at his doorstep—he loves both of them enough, but Hanamaki is too much sometimes. The guy is staring at him curious but doesn’t ask anything and just says, “You look like shit.” 

_He does._ Iwaizumi shrugs, stretching his arms until they pop, “I feel like shit.” 

“Are you sick?”

“No. Just hungover.” 

“Hmn.” Matsukawa seems to accept it and strolls inside the apartment, Iwaizumi following in his suit. Iwaizumi is looking at his friend and realizes how weird it is that the guy is alone, “So where’s your boyfriend?” 

Matsukawa doesn’t say anything, just casually slumps on his couch, retrieving something from his backpack. Iwaizumi stares at the pack of beer cans Matsukawa somehow pulled from his bag, “What part of I’m hungover don’t you understand?”

“We broke up.” 

Iwaizumi sighs, knowing full well how this goes—Matsukawa probably did something really stupid to piss the other guy and Hanamaki decides to break up with him, only to take him back after his initial irritation subsides, then they will be back to normal. They’ve done this before, and Iwaizumi is always there to watch them seesaw with each other. 

The only problem is Matsukawa doesn’t rant or cry or become emotional—when he’s sad, he just gets blind drunk. And Iwaizumi is in no position to be blind drunk with him. _Not that it matters_, seeing the look of forlorn from the other man. “You guys were okay yesterday. What the fuck did you do?” 

Matsukawa isn’t even looking at him and just takes a can of beer and opens it, “I got the offer.”

Iwaizumi stares at Matsukawa. _The offer._ He knows that Matsukawa is joking about dropping out of college to go abroad for an internship with a famous wildlife photographer he admires, but everyone thought it’s a bit preposterous. _It’s Matsukawa—he will never—_

“When did you—” 

“Yesterday. I got the email from his assistant.” 

“What did Makki say?” 

Matsukawa takes a gulp of his beer and shrugs, “He’s not happy about it.” 

“Are you going?” Iwaizumi is not sure why he’s asking this. _Of course Matsukawa should go._ That is totally what he’s going to do. _But that’s him. _He has no strings to hold him back, nobody to wait for him, nobody he will hurt if he decides to one day just pack up and leave. A certain brunette crosses his mind, but he pushes it aside and focuses instead of picking up a beer can for himself. He will definitely regret this later, but he figures he needs time to process this information and he needs beer for that. 

“Three years in the wild.” Matsukawa smirks, “I’ll be able to travel the world and I’ll probably just be back in holidays, maybe not even then. That’ll be amazing.” _Amazing, _he says, but when Iwaizumi glanced at him, his eyes are bleary, and it’s the first time he has ever seen Matsukawa like that. 

“I should take it, shouldn’t I?” Matsukawa asks, looking at him. Iwaizumi doesn’t know what to say because he had always been the logical one when it comes to this, he had always been the person to tell his friends to make the smart decisions—but seeing the look Matsukawa is giving him, it seems he’s asking Iwaizumi to say _No._

_And he thinks about the last time a person with the same look, the same hopeful eyes asked him something. He remembers. _

** _“Neh, Hajime-kun. Are you in love with me?”_ **

_...to be continued._


	4. Oikawa Who?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi finally realizes who Oikawa Tooru is and who his friends are.

_Her name is Hana._

And she has sunshine in her smile, but the moonlight in her eyes. Iwaizumi met her in the freshmen orientation on his first day of college, became friends in a month and after a few more, they started sort of _not _dating but hooking up. A year after, she moved in with him, under the guise of it’s more economic that way, but Iwaizumi knew better.

She was a music major and she filled their shared apartment with sound. Iwaizumi got drunk off of her energy. He thought he had fallen in love—he really wished he did.

“Neh, Hajime-kun. Are you in love with me?”

Iwaizumi has stared at her, when she casually asked that question. He doesn’t know how to tell her _no, but only because I’m not that kind of person and not because I can’t love you. Maybe I already do love you, but not the way you do or ever would._

It’s unfair.

He remembers the way his silence darkened the sunshine in her smile, how the moonlight disappeared into total darkness. She had smiled at him that day, and said nothing more.

\---

Five more cans of beer and unsupervised drinking and Matsukawa’s already curled up in the sofa, fast asleep. Somehow, watching his friend get drunk sobered him up and he decides to at least function like a normal human being again by taking a shower.

The cold water definitely helped him get back on his feet and after checking that Matsukawa is still asleep, he decides to grab afternoon coffee and some dinner at the convenience store downstairs.

The convenience store downstairs is an oasis for struggling students like him, also, he’s sort of friends with the son of the owner, Daichi. Last summer, when Iwaizumi decided not to go back home, they had bonded over a couple of volleyball games and video games. As far as he knows, Daichi is taking an engineering program in the university so it only makes sense that they’re too busy to catch up.

So it’s actually a surprise to find Daichi manning the register when he enters. When the guy sees him, he greets him with a smile, “Long time no see, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi smiles back and pats Daichi on the shoulder, “Yeah, school’s a bitch.”

Daichi chuckles, “Tell me about it.” Iwaizumi grabs some canned coffee and cigarettes as well as some instant ramen for him and Matsukawa before he goes back to pay for his purchases. Daichi starts to ring him up before frowning, “You should probably also have this.”

By _this_, Daichi means is a pack of onigiri that doesn’t look like it’s for sale with the meticulous way it was packed, “My dad made this. It’s on the house.” Daichi explains and Iwaizumi understands right away because Daichi’s dad has always been fond of him. Iwaizumi says his thanks and takes the package.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” Daichi starts as he rings him up, “You’re at the medicine department, right?

“Yeah, why?” He pays his purchases and picks up the paper bag while he studies the skittish look on Daichi. “The thing is our volleyball club has this annual thing where we go to small communities and train young kids for free while doing some volunteer work and well…” Daichi sighs, “Well, we would definitely need someone with a medical background to, you know, to check on their overall health, I guess?”

“So the onigiri was a way to butter me up?” He asks chuckling when he notices Daichi fluster in embarrassment. “No! Of course not! I mean—"

“Yeah, sure.” He says effectively cutting off Daichi. Truth be told, volunteer work is not a problem for him. Maybe, he can even drag Matsukawa along because god knows both of them needs some distraction.

Daichi brightens up after that, “Great! It’s usually a weekend camp and we’ll do it next week. We’ll meet in the café near here on Friday night.”

Iwaizumi nods, “Alright. Just text me the time and I’ll be there.” He says before he waves Daichi goodbye.

Matsukawa is still asleep when he gets back in his apartment—giving him enough time to smoke at their floor’s fire exit. He lets his mind wander as he lights up and smokes his first cigarette while drinking his cold coffee. He remembers introducing this place to Hana, years ago when she asked him where she could smoke, because she’s actually the smoker between them and Iwaizumi just sort of picked up the habit from her. Iwaizumi had moved in a couple of months prior and if he remembers correctly, it was a study session with Hana, Matsukawa and Hanamaki that lead them to Iwaizumi’s place because back then, he was still looking for a roommate and the other three were living in shared dorms that are not really conducive for group studies.

Since then, his apartment became sort of, the group’s hangout place and eventually, when he renewed the lease, Hana moved in with him. A few more months of him and Hana living together and eventually Matsukawa and Hanamaki’s visits became infrequent, probably to respect their privacy.

He takes another hit of his menthol cigar and reflects on all those sleepless nights he and Hana spent at the fire exit, just talking about their lives. It is also where they agreed on their setup—the kind of romantic, kind of not romantic, no strings attached relationship they used to have. Before that, Hana had been in countless abusive relationships, as she mentioned, and she wanted to have something more constant—a guy that would take care of her and love her.

Iwaizumi did take care of her, but love is something he just can’t do. He liked her, that much he is sure of, but to love her? He doesn’t even know if he’s capable of such a thing.

He sighs, remembering that this is also the exact place they decided to end things. The place has been a witness to the start and end of whatever they had and ever since that happened, he still finds himself going out there, smoking, drinking coffee with all the memories she left.

An empty coffee can, more cigarette butts and the setting sun reminds him of the visitor he has at home. It’s time for dinner and he doubts Matsukawa would be able to help out so he decides to go back in and prepare their dinner which mostly consists of instant ramen and rice.

It takes another thirty minutes to prepare everything before he wakes the other man who grunts in protest but eventually goes to the kitchen counter to eat.

“Thanks.” Matsukawa says between mouthfuls of ramen and onigiri, “This onigiri is actually good. Where did you get this?”

Iwaizumi proceeds to blow on his noodles to cool it down before answering him, “Daichi gave them to me.”

“Oh, he’s at the store again?”

“Yeah.” He nods, “Ah, he also asked me to go with him to a volunteer work next weekend.”

“Volunteer work?”

“Yeah, something about them teaching volleyball to kids.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Do you need an extra hand?”

Iwaizumi is halfway to eating his noodles when he pauses to eye Matsukawa curiously, “You usually don’t care about these things… are you using this to avoid your boyfriend?”

Matsukawa sighs and shrugs, “I mean… volunteering is better than dealing with an angry boyfriend, don’t you think so?”

Iwaizumi shrugs this time, “I wouldn’t know.”

It is silent after that, Iwaizumi knows Matsukawa has realized he had opened some wounds that have not yet healed. “Well, we never really liked her anyway.” Matsukawa says unexpectedly.

Iwaizumi stares at him dumbfoundedly, “What? We used to hangout.”

Matsukawa shrugs, “Well, she’s a bit crazy.”

“What the fuck, _Issei_?”

“Don’t ask me.” Matsukawa says, “Makki started it. I don’t know what happened between them but somehow, the four of us were hanging out like normal and then Makki told me we should go home and that he hated her.”

“You guys are fucking lunatics, you know that, don’t you?” Iwaizumi exclaims.

“Well, she’s in the past so why does it matter anyway?” Matsukawa defends, “And also, she’s not even your girlfriend.”

Iwaizumi is still staring at him in disbelief, but he has to admit that Matsukawa also did have a point. Why should it matter? Why do those thoughts bother him? It’s not like they’re ever together.

“But she is pretty. That one, I have to give you.” Matsukawa nods “Actually, you seem to have a charm on pretty things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know who you went out with last night. And if my instincts are right, that’s the same person you spent the night with.” Matsukawa says, “Oikawa Tooru, right? He’s the famous setter of Tokyo U’s volleyball team. If I remember correctly, he’s on his way to being scouted for Team Japan.”

Iwaizumi says nothing—just stares dumbfoundedly at Matsukawa. Suddenly, it makes sense why Oikawa’s name sounds familiar, why he looks familiar. The guy is not just popular, he’s also a pretty talented athlete. Iwaizumi is an idiot.

Matsukawa frowns at him confused until realization dawns on him, “Fuck, you didn’t know?”

Iwaizumi has buried his on his palms, refusing to acknowledge what big of an idiot he has made himself, to the amusement of the other guy who is now laughing his ass off, “So did you two fuck or something?”

Iwaizumi decides to pointedly ignore him.

“I can’t believe how dense you are sometimes.” Matsukawa is still chuckling, “By the way, you’re a really bad dancer. I was quite surprised he didn’t get turned off and leave.”

“You know what? Fuck you. Why don’t drag yourself back to your angry boyfriend and leave me alone?” He finally hisses. Instead of making Matsukawa stop the guy who he had known since high school knew he didn’t mean it and just laughed harder, “You serious about that? I could tell Makki and you know how he is.”

Iwaizumi blanches at that and he groans, “I hate you.”

“You adore me.” Matsukawa says between amused chuckles.

\---

Matsukawa stayed with him for the rest of the week and he will never admit it, but his presence is a welcome reprieve from the emptiness of his apartment. Thankfully, none of the conversation they had prior to the stay was ever brought up again including Hanamaki who Matsukawa never mentions and Oikawa who Iwaizumi never brings up. It sort of became an unwritten rule not to talk about them. Or maybe, they’re just too busy.

Still, not talking about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t cross Iwaizumi’s mind especially how stupid he had been. But then again, he realizes as long as he doesn’t go to the same club they went to before, the chances of crossing paths with Oikawa is slim so he decides to live with that. He probably won’t be able to live the embarrassment down.

He’s okay with not seeing Oikawa again for the rest of his life. Definitely.

So he doesn’t understand why he’s staring at a beaming Oikawa Tooru, looking effortlessly beautiful and dorky in a simple casual black alien shirt, jacket and jeans.

It’s Friday night and he is sitting down on one of the tables in the café with Matsukawa, Daichi and his other teammates—Bokuto, a grey-haired energy ball and Akaashi who is the exact opposite of the other one, quiet and mysterious always with a blank look—waiting for the _other volunteers_.

The _other volunteers_ apparently include Oikawa Tooru _and_ his friends, Suga, Kuroo and someone else he hasn’t met before—a small guy with bleached hair and a perpetually bored look. The reaction was immediate even before Oikawa exclaimed “Iwa-chan!” His heart rate immediately picks up, face heating in embarrassment as Matsukawa who’s beside him drinking his iced latte sputters in between his gulps.

“I didn’t know you’re Dai-chan’s teammate!” Suga and Kuroo has an amused look and Iwaizumi regrets ever saying yes to Daichi who is staring curiously at him, “I-I’m not.”

Oikawa’s moves to sit down on their table, the said man chooses the seat beside Iwaizumi—_perfect_, “Oh, so just a friend then?” Iwaizumi shrugs.

After the initial shock and embarrassment, Daichi is the first to break the silence, “You two know each other?”

He gives Iwaizumi a dazzling smile and the latter feels his heart skip a beat—_what the fuck?!_ “Iwa-chan. I’m happy to see you again.” Matsukawa is buzzing beside him with excitement and Iwaizumi just wants to punch him.

“Met him last week.” Suga supplies, sitting down beside Daichi, leaning against his shoulder. Daichi still looks unconvinced but lets it go, “I guess introductions are unnecessary then?”

“Well, I haven’t met them.” Matsukawa says introducing himself to everyone. Iwaizumi is not paying attention because he’s just looking down at his hands placed over his knees which is a few inches away from Oikawa’s right knee and hand. He can’t hear what’s being said around him because he’s just listening to his heart beat wildly against his chest.

He dares look up at Oikawa who is already talking to the group and wonders if he should strike up a conversation. But before he could even decide, it’s already time to leave. Iwaizumi realizes immediately that he is not dealing with a regular group of college friends when he sees the black, expensive looking minibus parked right outside the café, which is supposed to be their ride.

Matsukawa wiggles his eyebrows at him, obviously impressed. Daichi proceeds to go up the bus, ushering everyone up. Despite following Matsukawa directly, Iwaizumi finds himself sitting by the window, beside Oikawa—when Matsukawa turns to wink at him, he realizes it’s intentional and he wants to kick him once and for all.

But Oikawa is already looking at him expectantly, a fond smile in place, “I’m really glad to have seen you again.” He says softly, “We forgot to exchange numbers the last time so I was afraid we won’t meet each other again.”

Iwaizumi ignores the last statement because he doesn’t want to give any meaning with Oikawa saying he was _afraid to never meet again_, “Yeah, I guess I was in a hurry. Sorry about that.”

Iwaizumi doesn’t mean to sound too indifferent, but he does. Thankfully, Oikawa just hums in agreement, “You did look like it.” He chuckles as if he remembers, “Well, at least now I see you in your normal state—not drunk or hungover.” He clicks his tongue, “And you look good.”

Iwaizumi hates how that simple compliment makes him feel. Oikawa has this inexplicable effect on him even when they first met. It’s annoying because he has never experienced it with anybody else. “Are you always like this?”

“What do you mean?”

_Flirting, throwing away compliments as if they don’t mean anything. Toying with people’s emotions as if it’s nothing._ Of course, he doesn’t say that because to say that would mean he is having emotions. Iwaizumi sighs, unable to voice out what he really wants to say.

Oikawa is still looking at him, questioningly, “I guess I have to apologize for what my friends did.”

“Nah, that’s fine. I sort of walked into it, anyway…” Iwaizumi sighs, “Literally.” He adds as an afterthought earning a chuckle from Oikawa. “Still, a warning would have been nice.”

“Warning?” Oikawa muses.

“Telling me you’re _the_ Oikawa Tooru.”

The man looks surprised but he shakes his head, “I didn’t think it mattered.”

“It doesn’t.” Iwaizumi says, “But a little warning wouldn’t have hurt.”

“Well, we were… kindda busy.” The blush that rises to his cheeks is cute, Iwaizumi had to admit that at least and he knows an equally cute blush has also bloomed on his cheeks. He is quiet after that.

“Was that why you got awkward and bailed on me on breakfast?”

Iwaizumi frowns at him, “Shit no. I was hungover as hell that time. I also don’t know you were that person until my friend pointed that out.”

“Not a fan of uni sports, then?”

“I’m too busy to care.”

“You’re not too busy now to volunteer, though.”

“That’s different.”

Oikawa nods in agreement before he falls into a silence. Not for long because he asks, “So you won’t bail on me this time?”

“What?”

“If I ask you for breakfast. You won’t bail on me?”

Iwaizumi sighs, defeated, “Yeah, whatever.”

A sudden round of applause fishes them out of their conversation and it’s too late for Iwaizumi to realize that they are within hearing distance from no other than Kuroo. “Now that the lover spat is over, can we focus on the plans?”

\---

They arrived in Miyagi around four in the morning, the town chief meeting them at the town hall for an early breakfast _(feast)_ prepared by the mothers of the kids they will teach. For the weekend, the town hall is converted into a makeshift home with futons lying side by side.

All of them are still exhausted but the smell of breakfast and coffee is a welcome surprise to their sleep-deprived bodies. Iwaizumi is sore from the ride—rolling his left shoulder which served as a pillow for Oikawa during his nap. He had half the mind to wake him up but he looks too exhausted _and too beautiful_ to wake up.

The little traitor, Matsukawa, finally decides to be Iwaizumi’s friend again as he sits beside the guy for breakfast and immediately notices the way Iwaizumi is rolling his shoulder. He just smirks but one glare from Iwaizumi stops him from saying anything else.

After breakfast, they get their futon assignment and Iwaizumi finds himself situated between Matsukawa and Kenma, who Kuroo affectionately refers to as _kitten_, who he later finds out is majoring in physical therapy in Tokyo U. He is teamed up with the two as part of the _medical team_ and Daichi tells them what they need to do.

Basically a physical check up on the kids and senior citizens plus the distribution of some vitamins. He is too focused on the inventory of the boxes of vitamins A and C that he doesn’t even notice Oikawa sidling beside him. “Iwa-chan, can you help me?”

Iwaizumi turns to him, “Are you slacking off while everyone is busy?” He looks to see the other guys doing chores. Bokuto, Akaashi and Suga are on kitchen duty and are helping the mothers of the town to prepare an afternoon snack for the kids on one side of the townhall. Daichi is speaking to the town chief and discussing the plans for the day. Kuroo and Matsukawa—being the tallest among everyone has gone off to the volleyball court on the adjacent building to set up the nets. Oikawa is supposed to be part of that group.

Oikawa has the nerve to look offended, “How dare you, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi picks up another heavy box of the vitamins, and rips the tape open, nodding at Kenma and Matsukawa who walks in with some first aid equipment in tow. “What do you want?”

“I need you for some lifting.” Oikawa says seriously even when Kenma gives him an unimpressed scowl.

“Why me?”

“Who else? You probably have the biggest biceps here.” He says this as a matter-of-factly making Matsukawa burst out laughing. “Fucking shut up.” Iwaizumi hisses but grabs Oikawa’s wrist, dragging him out of the townhall, anyway.

Oikawa is beaming at him and loops their hands together before leading the way to what Iwaizumi thinks is the volleyball team’s clubhouse. He drops Oikawa’s hand as he enters the space—the looking around the small room, immediately noticing its lack of occupants. It’s a regular clubhouse with lockers on either sides and benches pushed against the wall. A small door is right on the far left corner where he expects the showers are.

He turns to look at Oikawa, “So, where’s the—”

His words are stopped immediately when Oikawa basically jumped unto him, pushing him against the wall with a thud, forcing him to catch the man by holding both thighs. Before he can react, Oikawa has already sealed their lips together into a hurried, hungry kiss. Oikawa is warm and sweet—he hates how his mouth automatically opens up to Oikawa, tongues finding each other, curling and swirling in a heated dance.

It only takes a few seconds, but his body is already on fire, his arms straining from Oikawa’s weight because damn, for a lean guy—he is definitely heavy—but he can’t find it in himself to let the guy go. Instead, he squeezes his thighs and pulls him closer, Oikawa grinding their groins together and both of them gasp in blind lust.

Their lips unlatch and Oikawa eventually lets go of his grasp and stands up again before he smiles at him, “Why are you so hot?” He doesn’t respond but what he really wants to say is _do you even see yourself?_ Oikawa’s half-lidded eyes are burning with desire, his face flushed and his lips red and glistening. Iwaizumi moves down to his jaw, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin until Oikawa begins whimpering his name, “Were you thinking about this all this time?” He whispers against the shell of his ear.

Oikawa sighs and slips his hands Iwaizumi’s shirt, feeling his abs, “This and more.” He says before he kneels down. Iwaizumi is just looking at him curiously, feeling himself harden with the way Oikawa unbuttons and unzips his pants before pulling it down together with his boxer briefs. “Oikawa, what are—_oh fuck!_”

That’s the only warning he got before Oikawa takes his half-hard cock fully into his mouth, sucking it into full hardness. His mind is about to explode as he was engulfed by the tight heat of Oikawa’s mouth, his pink tongue slipping on the slit at the head, pushing the tip of his tongue dipper. He realizes that Oikawa giving him head is one of his most favorite things in the world.

The blissful expression on Oikawa’s face is almost enough to make him cum but he forced himself to hold it in, biting his fist to stop himself from moaning aloud. He grasps on Oikawa’s hair and Oikawa looks up at him and gives him a small smile before he relaxes his jaw. _That’s it._ The permission that he needs to fuck his mouth senseless. And he does exactly that, thrusting up against that tight heat.

Before he could cum, however, Oikawa moves away and crawls back up to kiss him. “I want you to fuck me.” Tooru flips their positions, slips out of his pants with his boxers before he places his hands against the wall and raises his ass in the air in invitation.

Iwaizumi is transfixed at the sight before him—Oikawa’s ass glistening and he realizes that he’s already prepped himself. “Iwa-chan…” Oikawa gasps when Iwaizumi grabs his hips, aligning himself to Oikawa’s hole. “Do it. I’m already ready for you.” Oikawa mumbles, pushing his ass back so he grind his ass against the tip of Iwaizumi’s cock.

Iwaizumi grabs Oikawa and kisses his shoulder before he pulls the man into a standing position. “Iwa—” Oikawa’s voice catches in his throat when Iwaizumi enters him in one full thrust. He moans loudly and Iwaizumi muffles his voice with one hand, pulling the man’s head against his shoulder while the other slips under his unshed shirt, pinching a nipple. Oikawa’s hand curves around Iwaizumi’s shoulder and back to support himself as the other guy fucks him senseless.

A sudden moan lets Iwaizumi know he has hit Oikawa’s sweet spot and he thrusts in that angle harder and deeper pushing Oikawa to the edge. He lets Oikawa go, pushing him against the wall before he gripping his hips and thrusts harder. “Yes! Yes! Yesyesyesyes!” Oikawa screams and Iwaizumi snakes his hand to grasp the man’s neglected cock and pumps him into oblivion.

It just takes two to three pumps before Oikawa is done—spilling cum against the wall, his insides clamping down at Iwaizumi who immediately pulls out and cums on Oikawa’s exposed ass. Both of them falls to the floor in exhaustion and they catch their breath side by side.

After a while, Oikawa breaks the silence, "Coach will not be happy about this."

_ **...to be continued...** _


	5. Oikawa is Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is just confusing for Iwaizumi. His feelings, his relationship with Oikawa, even Oikawa himself.

A quick shower after and Iwaizumi is trudging back to the townhall, noticing a line of kids already forming at their station. He pointedly ignores Matsukawa’s knowing smirk and Kenma’s curious gaze and proceeds to his table, face still flushed.

Oikawa has gone back to the gym, only after he gave Iwaizumi a lasting kiss that is still currently lingering on the latter’s lips. With what happened, it’s kind of obvious what Oikawa thinks of him but he’s not sure if he’s okay with that. But he decides to just go with the flow for the weekend—he won’t deny that Oikawa’s presence has made him a bit _happier?_ Or maybe it’s just the effect he has on people in general.

He proceeds to do what he’s supposed to do, eventually and assists the people lined up at his table. The job is fairly easy some basic physical check-up and distribution of vitamins and medicine, although there are a few elder people who needs special attention because of joint pain complaints, and some kids who has some rashes but he accounts them from staying too wind burns and just gave their mother special ointments. Still, the number of people is a lot and when afternoon came and the last of the people had started walking out of the townhall, Iwaizumi realizes how tiring it was.

He slumps on his chair and stares at the unopened box of lunch in front of him, feeling his stomach growl in protest. _He missed lunch_. But he is too tired to care. He buries his face on folded arms and closes his eyes, hoping he can catch a bit of sleep before Daichi calls them for the night assembly.

He doesn’t know how long he had stayed like that, but he apparently had fallen asleep and is now being woken by Oikawa’s voice telling him it’s time for the assembly. He drags himself from the chair, much to Oikawa’s amusement and follows the other guy to the makeshift dining area where the rest of the group are. Oikawa and the rest of the crew in the volleyball group looks freshly showered and he figures that practice must have already ended just a few minutes ago considering Kuroo’s bedhead is currently wet and flat. He silently wishes he could see Oikawa play this weekend, but he also knows that can’t be helped if there will be more patients tomorrow as today.

He gets his answer soon enough when Daichi says, “Tomorrow we’ll have more people come in.” right after congratulating everyone for a very successful first day and suggesting to have an early night after dinner. Iwaizumi wonders if it’s still even considered early because it’s already past ten. He ends the meeting on a fun note, saying that the people in the town will prepare a barbecue on the last night of their stay to thank them. Everyone cheered and got excited, but with that, the meeting is adjourned.

Oikawa has joined the line for the dinner while Iwazumi makes a bee line to where the showers are. Matsukawa catches up with him, “You’re not hungry?” Iwaizumi shakes his head, “You know me. I just need a good shower and some smoke.”

“Another shower?” There is a teasing lilt to Matsukawa’s voice which Iwaizumi ignores once again. “You and Oikawa are getting along.” _Of course, Matsun decides to cut the chase._ He doesn’t like the path the conversation is heading nor what his friend is insinuating. _Getting along _means there is a development. _There is none._

“Nothing is happening.” He says.

“Well, sure… _nothing_ warranted a shower for the two of you.”

“If you’re asking if we fucked, then yes. But that’s it.” Iwaizumi blurts out suddenly and he stops, realizing what he just said. Matsukawa’s jaw is open, but there is no more teasing in his face. For all the bravado of pushing Iwaizumi to his limit, he has the gall to actually look surprised? _Unbelievable._ Iwaizumi walks faster until he’s finally out of the town hall but Matsukawa grabs him by the arm.

“So fuck buddies?” Matsukawa asks in disbelief, “Again?”

“What the fuck do you mean by again?” Iwaizumi hisses.

“Same arrangement you had with Hana?”'

“What the fuck?! We were not—”

“She fucking used you!”

“Fuck off Matsun. Nobody used—”

“She was seeing her fucking ex-boyfriends while you guys were still together!”

Iwaizumi feels his insides hurt and he wants to throw up. He stares at Matsukawa with a look that could kill but the said guy is staring back at him with equal intensity. It’s surprising, to be honest because Matsukawa always has either a leering expression or just a disinterested, mocking face, but this time is the first time, the guy actually looked kind of mad. Mad at who? Iwaizumi is not sure.

Because unlike what Matsukawa thinks, Iwaizumi knew about Hana’s relationships with her exes. _He knew_ and he did nothing.

The door to the townhall opens and for a second, Iwaizumi is afraid it would be Oikawa. Thankfully, it’s just Bokuto. “Oya oya!” He exclaims his usual catchphrase, “Sawamura-kun is asking where you guys been. Dinner’s being served.”

They stay silent for a while and Bokuto is just staring at them, ever so dense, until Matsukawa sighs, “We’ll go in a while.” Bokuto nods at that and goes back inside.

“I’ll go shower.” Iwaizumi says and walks towards the volleyball clubhouse as quickly as possible. But not quick enough to not overhear Matsukawa say, “Just don’t do this again to yourself, man.”

—

The shower he took is longer than usual. The lights to the townhall is already off when he returned, Kenma and Matsukawa already asleep in their futons.

His stomach is growling but he is too tired and all he wants to do is crawl into his waiting futon and just sleep his stress out. The activities for the day, the encounter with Oikawa, the talk with Matsukawa and the good hour he spent smoking his lungs out after his shower has drained him of any spare energy he has to eat.

He’s about to change into a new shirt when he notices a pack of bread and a bottle of water sitting right beside his bag. He slips on a new shirt before he picks up the bread, noticing a note taped into it. It’s already dark but some of the lights are still turned on giving him enough to be able to read.

_Iwa-chan. You didn’t eat lunch and also skipped dinner. Skipping meals is bad. But should know that! You’re the doctor here. Anyway here’s my milk bread. I know it’s not a lot but Bokuto and Kuroo finished all extra serving of dinner tonight because they’re basically gluttons. _

A smile, somehow creeps to his lips and he looks around, wondering if Oikawa is still awake. He considers checking him out before going to bed, he knows his futon is beside Suga on the far left side of their sleeping area but he decides against it. Instead, he snacks on the milk bread and drinks the water before he slips into his futon to sleep.

—

The next morning is busy as usual. After a quick breakfast, they proceed to their designated areas once again to do the same thing they did yesterday.

Matsukawa is back to his usual self, joking and laughing that Iwaizumi wonders if he had been imagining their conversation last night. This is not surprising knowing the kind of guy Matsukawa is. He lets go of things easily.

He half expects Oikawa to distract him again when the man enters the town hall during lunchtime, especially when their eyes met. But before either of them could react, Suga is already dragging him away to help out in the kitchen.

Thankfully, the line to the medical team ends early, just a little over lunch and upon Daichi’s encouragement, he finds himself walking with Mattsun towards the gymnasium where the volleyball training is going on.

The sound of volleyball hitting the floor and the smell of air salonpas welcomes them as they proceed to where the bleachers are. He and Mattsun takes a seat closest to the barricade, giving them a full view of the action.

A game is already ongoing between the kids. Two teams of five in opposite sides of the net, one team in blue shirt and the other in red. One of the kids in blue, a boy with dark hair and eyes and sporting a bowl cut is gearing up to serve.

The kid throws the ball up in the air, runs and jumps, smashing the ball with full force. His eyes widen when the kid performs an almost incredible jump serve, only it lands outside of the court and gives a point to the red team. Mattsun whistles, obviously impressed.

“Don’t mind! Don’t mind!” He hears Oikawa yell and his eyes zero in on the man. He is wearing a blue shirt, which means that he’s coaching that team and whoever that kid is. He will not admit it, but he’s a bit disappointed that the guy is not playing. He wants to see how good Oikawa is, if he is being scouted for the national team.

Still, watching Oikawa in the tight fitting blue shirt and shorts, bent down and wiping the sweat from his brow using his arm, he looks… _delectable._ He curses his perverted mind as he looks away from the man and turns back towards the game.

Oikawa’s team is winning. Part of it he knows is because of the setter, Kageyama, the same kid who did the jump serve, and the small middle blocker, Hinata who despite the lack of height, jumps pretty high and is quick on his feet. Their quicks are incredibly and unfairly fast and he simply can’t believe these kids are just in middle school.

The red team, coached by Kuroo is equally talented and has an unfair advantage with the Russian looking tall kid except for all the height the guy has, he really sucks at the game.

At the end of the match, Oikawa’s team won and the kids line up to say thank you to each other before they look up at the bleachers to say thank you to the audience. Oikawa sees him at once, gives him a smile and waves.

Iwaizumi waves back when Mattsun elbows him to attention. His friend still hasn’t verbally approved of their relationship, but he also knows Mattsun will never object or meddle with his decisions. Unlike Hanamaki.

Oikawa says his final reminders to his team and Iwaizumi watches as Kageyama approaches Oikawa, volleyball on hand. He watches the smile on Oikawa’s face morphsinto some ugly emotions he’s not familiar with. The smile is still there, but the contempt and insincerity on Oikawa’s face looks terribly out of place.

Kageyama doesn’t seem to notice and Iwaizumi sees Oikawa shake his head and place a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. Tight smile, still in place, Oikawa says something that stuns the boy and they look at each other for a long while, that is until the small ball of energy, Hinata, calls out to Kageyama and the boy eventually walks away, leaving Oikawa still staring blankly at them.

Iwaizumi is not sure what he just saw but one thing is quite obvious, Oikawa doesn’t like that kid. “Iwaizumi, Matsukawa.” A call from behind rouses him from his trance, as Daichi walks towards them, “Suga is asking if you guys can help bring out the coolers for the drinks.”

“Yeah sure.” Matsukawa says, immediately following Daichi. Iwaizumi follows soon after, catching up to Daichi, “Sawamura.”

“Hmn?”

“That kid, Kageyama. What was up with him and Oikawa?”

Daichi blinks at him, “What about them?”

He looks back at Oikawa who’s already on the move to clean up and put down the nets, smile back in place as the other kids help out in picking the balls. He wonders why Daichi nor Kuroo doesn’t seem to notice the tension between Oikawa and the kid but the sincere look on Daichi’s face is enough to let him know he really has no idea.

“Nothing.” He says finally.

\---

It’s a ruckus when they arrived to where the barbecue was set up. A large bonfire is burning in the middle of the lot between the volleyball court and the townhall while those assigned in the kitchen duty are helping the parents serve barbecue to everyone else. Daichi leads them to a parked truck filled with coolers and they start their way to move them to where the tables are set up.

After a few roundtrips, they complete their task and Daichi feels the need to reward them each a can of beer, while reminding them to drink it somewhere the kids or the parents or Suga will see. Matsukawa chuckles and tells him he’s totally whipped, which confuses Iwaizumi, before the guy shakes his head and walks away.

“Whipped?” Iwaizumi asks. Matsukawa frowns at him until he realizes that Iwaizumi is seriously confused, “Oh, Daichi and Suga are together.”

Iwaizumi gapes at him, “What?”

“Are you seriously that dense?” Matsukawa chuckles.

“I didn’t even know!”

“That they’re together?”

“That Sawamura is gay!”

“Why do you look like you seriously never considered it?”

“No.”

“What? You think you’re the only one allowed to look ruggedly hot and gay at the same time?” Matsukawa asks and Iwaizumi scowls at him, “Fuck you.”

“I would, but too bad for you, I hate bottoming.” Matsukawa snickers when Iwaizumi turns beet red at the insinuation.

“You’re hopeless.” Matsukawa shakes his head, grabs Iwaizumi’s shoulder and gives him his beer, “Go get your pretty boy and just spread your gayness around.”

“Fuck you, Mattsun.” He says but takes the beer anyway. “Again, not bottoming for you.” Matsukawa says before he slithers away, giving him a peace sign. Iwaizumi stares at his retreating form before he decides to look for Oikawa.

The guy is not in the assembly area where the barbecue is going on. Not even in the area where he took a plateful of barbecue they could hopefully share. He’s on his way to the townhall when he hears the distinct sound of volleyball hitting the floor and he knows immediately where the guy is.

He slips in the gym easily, seeing Oikawa’s back to his as he runs down to jump for another serve. Oikawa’s form is mesmerizing as he leaps from the floor and smashes the ball to the other side of the court, on the corner of the baseline and sideline. A perfect service ace. _Almost_, because the ball didn’t touch the line.

Oikawa curses under his breath before he turns to grab another ball and notices Iwaizumi standing there. They stare at each other, Oikawa looking shocked and ashamed at being discovered and Iwaizumi wondering why he would be. After a minute, Oikawa grins sheepishly, “Iwa-chan, hi.”

Iwaizumi frowns, feeling like he has seen something Oikawa doesn’t want him to see but he shows the food and drinks he brought as if to explain his presence, “Thought you might be hungry.” Oikawa beams at him, “Thanks, Iwa-chan. Help me clean up?”

From the looks of all the balls scattered on the other side of the court, Oikawa has been practicing since the entire time he has left. He leaves the food on one of the bleachers and helps Oikawa pick up the balls and put the net down.

The barbecue is now cold and the beer warm when they sit together on the foot of the stares outside the gymnasium, overlooking the rest of the group now huddled together to the bonfire. They eat in silence, content to just watch everyone go about their business. Kuroo and Bokuto, still stuffing their faces with meat, Suga calling them animals, Daichi talking to Akaashi and Mattsun about the route they will take the next morning and Kenma just playing a game on his phone.

It feels incredibly familiar and Iwaizumi has to admit he will probably miss it. Oikawa breaks his thoughts with a, “Thank you for taking care of me, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi snorts and turns to him, “I just brought you dinner, stupid.”

Oikawa hums and says nothing, just sort of looks at the people in front of them. His expression hardens for a flit second, a moment that would have gone unnoticed, except Iwaizumi does and he turns to look at where the other guy is looking at. Unsurprisingly, Oikawa is looking at Kageyama.

“What’s with you and him?” Iwaizumi asks, surprising Oikawa who turns to him, feigning innocence, “What do you mean Iwa-chan?”

“You and that kid Kageyama.” He says, “Daichi doesn’t seem to know what’s going on so either he’s really dense or you don’t really let others know it.”

Oikawa blinks at him, “What...” He opens and closes his mouth again before he grins, “Are you jealous, Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi frowns, unimpresed, “To be honest, if anything… it seems _you’re_ the one who’s jealous.”

It’s the wrong statement because in a moment, Iwaizumi sees Oikawa’s face upturn into the most bitter scowl he has ever seen, and his eyes glisten against the orange light of the bonfire. He sees the other guy’s lips quiver and for a while, he fears that Oikawa would cry, but in true Oikawa fashion, the man simply shrugs, flips his bouncy hair and looks away, “Why would I be jealous? I’m too cool for that.”

Iwaizumi sighs, “You really have a shitty personality.”

Oikawa pouts, “Mean, Iwa-chan!”

Once they finish their beer, Oikawa announces he’ll go practice some more. Iwaizumi suggests watching and Oikawa, reluctantly agrees. Iwaizumi, feeling unwelcome decides to let Oikawa go and take a shower at the club house before heading to sleep.

There is still the sound of the volleyball when he emerges from the bathroom letting him know that Oikawa is still on it. He expects it, anyway, what he didn’t expect is to find Suga sitting down on one of the benches, seemingly waiting for him.

“Iwaizumi.” Suga nods at him and he nods back, hoping the guy isn’t there for him, even if he obviously is. Iwaizumi lets the tension sit in the air as he quickly slips on a fresh shirt and sweatpants.

“I want to talk about Oikawa.”

_There it is._ “What about him?”

“You and I know what this is about.”

“If you want to talk about our relationship, then there is nothing to talk about.”

“No.” Suga says, “I know you two have no relationship and it would be best if it remains that way.” He takes a deep breath, “I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

Iwaizumi scoffs, “Get hurt over what? We’re not anything.” Iwaizumi knows it’s a lie. There’s something there, something between them—but both of them are too scared or to scarred to even say anything.

“You’re not the first.” Suga says and Iwaizumi’s thoughts come to a halt, “There has been others. You are not unique. Oikawa… he’s… different.” Suga looks sad but he shakes his head, “But he is promising. His future is bright. He doesn’t need another person to destroy him and then we, his friends would be the ones dealing with whatever’s left to deal with.”

Iwaizumi can’t breathe. The weight of what Suga is telling him, heavy inside him, He doesn’t know nor understand what the guy means, but the sound of the volleyball in the background, hard and merciless and remembering the hurt and bitter look Oikawa gave him, somehow makes him think about how what Suga is saying not seem impossible at all.

He closes his eyes and wills his heart to slow down.

“I understand.”


	6. Oikawa Tooru Is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are finally revealing Oikawa's "issue".

Avoiding Oikawa after the run-in with Suga proved to be not as challenging as he expected—truth be told, he noticed Oikawa has been avoiding him since the incident. He doesn’t mind, busying himself with cleaning up his stuff and putting them in boxes since Daichi announced the bus will come pick them up at noon.

He sticks around Matsukawa and Oikawa sticks with Suga, though he will catch the guy glancing at him at certain times—too quick to actually hold the gaze. He also can’t define the look he’s giving him so he just shrugged it off and went along his business. _Oikawa Tooru is too much to deal with_. That one, he’s sure of. He has an overbearing personality and his friends, the so-called _babysitters_ are not any better.

_Okay, the sex is good._ But good sex for all that drama? Hard pass.

The ride home is quieter and less frantic than the first one. Maybe because, most of them are tired and are more concerned on catching up some sleep. Sitting with Matsukawa feels like having a transparent shield from Oikawa who is sitting quietly with Suga at the back part of the bus. Suga’s presence is an obvious warning to him: **He is off limits.** Hedoes manage to ignore Oikawa until they arrived in Tokyo and it’s time to say goodbye. Even their farewells are awkward and distant and they leave soon enough, without as much as a glance. Matsukawa has eyed him curiously, but thankfully said nothing.

The weekend ended as quickly as it started and soon enough, Iwaizumi finds himself falling back into the same old routine he had prior to meeting Oikawa Tooru and his _babysitters_. Matsukawa is still living with him, and though the guy seemed to always be in his usual high spirits, he knows the fact that the time for him to make a decision about his internship is nearing and it’s quickly killing him inside.

He shares two classes with Hanamaki and he can also see how the distance is affecting the other guy, but whenever they are talking—Matsukawa’s name doesn’t even come up. He is not sure if Hanamaki is aware of their current living situation, but whether he is or is not, Iwaizumi is not sure how to bring up the touchy topic. He is forced to live and pretend that everything’s normal, except they’re not.

He is of no help with the mood, ever since the weekend camp, he hasn’t heard from Oikawa again—not that he expects the other guy to call or message him, although _why would he not?_ He wonders if it really is easy for Oikawa to move on from, well, whatever they had. He figures, it’s for the best anyway—and probably Suga also talked to the guy to warn him about _getting too close_ with him. He won’t be surprised if that’s the case and maybe, he’s a tad bit bitter about that. Bitter, but he gets it.

Another week passes and some good news finally comes to his gloomy apartment on a Friday night. Matsukawa is grinning at him when he arrived from the university. Iwaizumi is in the process of heating his dinner before he buries himself in books and is seriously considering ignoring the annoyingly goofy smile on the other’s face. It’s totally out of place and he finally cocks an eyebrow at the guy in question, “If you need to say something, spill it now. Otherwise, stop looking at me like that.”

“I just went to lunch with Hiro.” He says although from the way he’s basically fucking glowing, Iwaizumi is not surprised that that’s what happened. Although the story should not end there.

“And?”

“Well, he just told me he missed me. Apologized for making a big deal out of it.”

“To be fair, it is kind of a big deal.”

“Yeah, but he kind of blew it out of proportions. I mean…”

“Okay, so? Now you guys are back together?” Iwaizumi asks as the microwave beeps to let him know his food is ready. He takes the container carefully and places it on his table to eat. It’s pretty basic—just some rice and grilled mackerel.

“Not together together.” Matsukawa explains, “We just sort of decided to make it work? He’s still mad at me.”

Iwaizumi shrugs, “Well, going behind his back was a shitty thing to do.”

“I didn’t know I would be accepted.” Matsukawa sighs, grabbing a fork and stealing some food from Iwaizumi making the latter snap at him with a _“Hey!”_

“That’s not the point.” Iwaizumi says.

“Yeah. I know.” He looks guilty and Iwaizumi regrets making his friend feel worse than he should have, “Well at least you guys are talking again.” Matsukawa nods, “Celebrate small wins.” He grins, “Let’s have some beer.”

“I still have some papers to write.” Iwaizumi says.

“Not saying we should get drunk.” Matsukawa says, “Let’s just have some beer and watch bad television for a while. You and I could use a break.”

Iwaizumi knows what Matsukawa is talking about. Midterm exams are almost here and he is stressing over them. Matsukawa is not admitting it, but he is also on the edge of panicking. A few hours of chilling with a bad sitcom, maybe, doesn’t seem too much.

Matsukawa grabs some beer and a microwavable dinner of his own while Iwaizumi clears the kotatsu on at their living room. Matsukawa comes back with the beer and turns on the television, surfing the channels, looking for something decent to watch. Nothing piques their interest and they settle for a sport channel featuring university sports—and it must be coincidence, but it’s all about volleyball.

A stern looking guy with a serious expression and a very deep voice called Ushijima Wakatoshi is giving an interview—saying how he is as the new recruit for the Japanese national team, how his life and routine changed—everything seems dull for Iwaizumi. However, the mention of the national team forces him to remember a certain brown-haired guy who pestered him over the last weekend.

The view pans to the practice of the national team in the court and suddenly Iwaizumi is looking at Oikawa’s face—and it might be just his imagination but there is something about him that doesn’t feel right. He can’t pinpoint the cause, but there is something in those brown eyes or the way he stands. Or maybe, he’s just imagining it because when he spikes the ball to the other court, it hits the exact corner of the court and everyone erupts into cheers. Iwaizumi releases the breath he doesn’t realize he was holding and Matsukawa chuckles.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

The camera cuts back to Ushijima, “We are excited to train with new recruits this season and we are sure this will make our team stronger.”

“His face says otherwise.” Matsukawa remarks and Iwaizumi nods because it’s true.

“There’s been news circulating now for weeks that the national team is opening a junior division this month. Is this true?”

“Yes.” Ushijima says in a trained, stoic voice and when the reporter prods the mic further to encourage him to say more, he clears his throat, “We actually have some new blood in line for recruitment. It will be made up of students from high school and middle school.”

“Hey, you think that kid Kageyama will be part of it?” Matsukawa asks.

He shrugs but the more he thinks about it, he is more inclined to believe he will be. He thinks about Oikawa, because despite his denials, he knows there is some bad blood between them. They watch as the news bit ends and cuts to commercials. Matsukawa wordlessly changes the channel to one that shows a bad sci-fi movie before the microwave beeped and he had to retrieve it.

They eat while watching the _terrible _film that doesn’t really make sense to Iwaizumi—just that he knows there is an alien and another alien, who is not necessarily referred to as alien because it is called a predator. The funny commentaries and conversation from Matsukawa makes up for the bad and boring film.

“You still haven’t talked to him?” Matsukawa asks suddenly when he came back to retrieve more cans of beer.

Iwaizumi grabs a can from him, shrugs before opening the can and downing half of its content in one swig, “We don’t need to talk about anything.”

Matsukawa just hums.

Iwaizumi hates it. “I mean, his friend told me specifically to leave him alone.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So I would naturally just follow that advice.” He says, although he’s not sure if he’s still saying that to Matsukawa or to himself, “Besides… Oikawa… he’s different. There is something about him that…” He sighs.

“Do you like him?”

Iwaizumi scoffs, “He’s annoying and he talks non-stop. He’s overbearing and has this mood swings that I don’t understand.”

Matsukawa is just nodding at him but it doesn’t look like he agrees even for a bit.

“What the fuck are you implying?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah but your face is!”

“What? Are you a mind reader now?”

“Just fucking tell me what you’re thinking!”

“That you…” Matsukawa points a finger at him to emphasize his point, “Even for just a little, tiny bit… like Oikawa Tooru.”

Iwaizumi gapes at him in disbelief. Where the hell in his statement did his friend come up with that conclusion. Matsukawa shrugs and raises his hands in defense, “I hear you ranting but the way your face light up when you talk about him… So, I don’t know, man.”

“Who are you and what did you do to my friend?”

“Fuck you, Hajime.”

\---

_Like Oikawa Tooru? Why the hell would he like the guy? He’s insufferable but he does have a nice, gentle smile. The real one he only gives his friends—the sparkly one._ _But he is so full of himself it’s borderline illegal. Fine, he might be also a little bit pretty. Okay, maybe a lot pretty… or hot. Definitely hot. The sex is just… probably one of the best sex he’s had. The way Oikawa melts under him, the way the guy with all his bravado and his pride unfolds beautifully before him and begs. God, how he loves the sounds they make when he fucks him—deep and rough, like they couldn’t get enough. RIGHT. But it doesn’t mean that he does like him._

“IWAIZUMI HAJIME!!!” Hanamaki is standing right in front of him, a quizzical look on his face and based on the annoyed frown he is now sporting, Iwaizumi thinks he’s been standing there for a while now. “What?” Iwaizumi just blinks at him and that irks the guy more, “I just asked you if you wanted to be lab partners. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What the hell are you thinking about?”

“I uh…” Iwaizumi looks away, shifting on his seat to hide his semi-boner and mutters, “Nothing.”

Hanamaki is still frowning at him, “You think I don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Your fuck buddy.” Hanamaki says making his eyes go wide not only because he knew but also because of the term he used to describe Oikawa, “Oikawa Tooru.”

Take it from Makki to not mince his words. Iwaizumi groans, “Who told you? I thought you and Matsukawa don’t talk?!”

Hanamaki shakes his head, “Issei didn’t tell me. We have far more interesting things to talk about.” There is bitterness in the statement but the guy shakes his head and sighs, “I saw your photos. Oikawa seems smitten by you, if I may add.”

“Photos? What photos?”

“In his Instagram. Although they don’t have any caption or anything, but it looks taken by someone quite in love?” Hanamaki says, “Don’t you follow him or something?”

“Since when did I have any form of social media?”

“Ah right, I forgot you’re a caveman.” Hanamaki starts browsing his phone, “Well he’s been posting a lot about you… Until maybe just recently when his posts stopped altogether.”

“Show me.”

“Patience, Hajime. You should learn it.”

“Just give me the fucking phone.”

Hanamaki offers his phone and he grabs it immediately. Iwaizumi stares at the screen in disbelief. Oikawa’s recent Instagram feed is filled with photos dedicated to him or his profile—although done at such angles as to not reveal who he is unless you actually know him. All of them taken from when they were in camp. A photo of his back while he’s sitting down, using a stethoscope on a kid; a photo of the milk bread Oikawa gave him; a photo of his back as he’s picking up balls in the volleyball court; a photo of him taking a nap on a desk, head on his folded arms, face hidden; a photo of him in the bus, looking out the window, his face away from the camera, the sunlight shining brightly against his face.

All those photos—he doesn’t even realize were taken. “I…” He starts, “I didn’t even realize.”

Hanamaki smirks, “His fans are hunting you down, by the way.”

“What?” Iwaizumi asks selecting one photo and reading down to read the comments.

_@oikawasaan: who’s the mystery guy? i can’t believe @oikawa_t is crushing over someone not me._

_@love_tooru: i agree @oikawasaan. but the guy seems like he’s a doctor or smth._

_@oikawababies: I WANT TO KNOW MORE DEETZ!_

_@luvztooru: @love_tooru my sis is in the medical department of t university. i’ll ask her if she knows._

_@liv4tooru: omg a lead. tnx @luvztooru_

_@oikawasaan: i hope @oikawa_t just reveal who this is. we’ll support him no matter what._

_@oikawababies: but my heart will break. @oikawasaan_

_@luvztooru: guys i asked my sister but he doesn’t look familiar._

_@oikawasaan: oh no who is diz guy_

_@liv4tooru: back to square one!_

Iwaizumi stops and rolls his eyes, “What the fuck is this crazy manhunt for me?” It’s pathetic, for one because he doesn’t go to Tokyo U. Hanamaki is snickering beside him, “Can you really blame them? They basically worship Oikawa and then you suddenly appear.”

“They’re crazy.”

“Most fans are.” Hanamaki chuckles, patting his shoulder.

“And you knew about this a week ago?”

“Yeah. But it’s not like we’re really in speaking terms. I mean I know about you and Issei.”

“Why do you make it sound like he cheated on you with me?”

“I mean you took sides.”

“Fuck sides. Man’s got nowhere to go so I took him in.”

“Yeah and for that I’m grateful.”

“Way to show your gratitude by not saying anything while this is happening.”

Hanamaki shrugs, “Although he stopped posting a week ago.”

“You’re a bit more invested in this one than normal.”

“Hey, I love a good story.”

Iwaizumi sighs, looking back at Hanamaki’s phone. He is right. The last photo of Oikawa is the one of him in the bus and then nothing else.

“He doesn’t update his story anymore, too. His fans are getting worried.”

Iwaizumi ignores the slight twinge in his heart at the implication of that. He doesn’t think it’s because of him, _right?_ They barely know each other and it’s very unlikely that he has that much effect on the guy. It’s just impossible.

_Very impossible._

\---

** _Oikawa, I swear to god if you don’t pick up the phone—_ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _What the fuck is happening, Oikawa? Kenma told me—_ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _I’m going home now, you better make sure—_ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _What the fuck?! Where are you? What is happen—_ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _Tooru, is this another episode? Let me know. Please._ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _Tooru, it’s Koushi I talked to your sister. She told me your home. I’m—_ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _I’m sorry. I should have known. We should have known._ **

** _-beep-_ **

** _We’re worried. I’m worried. Please talk to us soon._ **

** _-You have zero messages-_ **

** **

Waking up hurts. Moving hurts. Listening to his friends worry about him hurts.

He opens his eyes, his migraine getting worse by the minute. The curtains are drawn and the orange, muted light of the sunset floods his senses. _Another day passed._ He turns away out of spite, knowing he wasted another day in bed, another day of loss. He reaches for the bottle of water by his bedside table and drinks it in one go, ignoring the tray of food his sister left for him every mealtime—it’s fresh, because she diligently replaces it even if it remains untouched always. But just _in case_.

He also notes the lack of utensils on the tray, not even plastic ones. He snorts because _as if that will ever stop him if he really wanted to hurt himself._

He hates that he has to be taken care of by his sister who has lots of things going on. Why does he not function like a normal human being and just deal with his insecurities and inner demons by pushing them out and away? _Why does he need to bother people?_

He curls in on himself, feeling the black pit inside him grow larger as he grows smaller. It feels like he’s being swallowed whole. The world is mocking him—telling him how he’s not enough. He’s never enough, he will never be. Hard work doesn’t and will never compensate for the talent that he doesn’t have. His passion, his love—they don’t matter, because at the end of the day, what he can offer is nothing spectacular. _He is not special._

“…Ru… Tooru… Uncle Tooru. Uncle Tooru!”

He releases his tight grip on his sheets when he hears his nephew, Takeru calling him. He looks back at the kid who is innocently looking at him, volleyball in hand, “Can you toss for me, now?”

“Takeru, I told you to stop bothering your uncle.” His sister, Aiko walks in the room. Aiko is the female version of Oikawa—brown hair, brown eyes, although her face is more feminine and she is a bit shorter than him. Still, there is an air of authority around her, probably from being a big sister or maybe because she’s the general manager of a publishing company in Miyagi. She brings another tray of food for Oikawa to ignore, once again. _Gosh, he’s so ungrateful._

Takeru gives a pout, “But you told me not to bother him until he’s awake. He’s awake now.”

Aiko sighs, “Takeru…”

“How about tomorrow?” Oikawa suggests. He really does have a soft spot for his nephew, “I’ll wake early and we can play volleyball.”

Aiko is eyeing him, concerned while Takeru beams at him, “Really?”

Oikawa smiles, “Yeah. Go finish your dinner.”

Takeru is out before his mother could say anything else. Aiko shakes his head, “You’ll break his heart again.”

Oikawa turns to his sister, “I’ll come out of bed tomorrow.”

“You said that yesterday and the other day.” Aiko says and the truth gnaws on Oikawa’s insides, replacing the tray of food on his table, “You haven’t even eaten anything yet."

“I’m not really hungry.” He says.

Aiko doesn’t say anything about that—she knows better than to argue, “You still have to eat something. At least to drink meds.”

“I don’t want that either.”

“Tooru…” She says, shaking her head, “You know you can’t do that. You have to drink your meds to make sure…”

“That I don’t do shit that will hurt me.” He finishes for her. The bitterness in his voice is enough to bring unshed tears to his sister’s eyes. He hates himself for hurting her. She wordlessly takes his untouched tray of food and begins to walk silently out of his room.

“Why can’t I be a normal person?”

He realizes immediately that he has said that aloud when Aiko stops in her tracks and turns to look at him, a pained look in her eyes. They stare at each other, and he watches the tears form in her eyes, watches them stream down her face. Because she has no answers to give him and he knows it, too. Oikawa looks away and down at his trembling hands. He bites his lower lip so hard he can taste blood.

“Is that what you feel right now?” Aiko asks but he doesn’t look at her. He hears her move about his table and he knows what she’s doing—putting his feelings in a notebook, recording his moods as if he’s a fucking lab experiment.

He doesn’t deny nor confirm her assumption. “Tell me, I’m okay.”

He hears the familiar sound of scribbling stop and he looks up at his sister, with hopeful eyes. She smiles sadly at him, “You’ve had better days, Tooru.”

Tears fall all too suddenly from his eyes because_ she is right._

\---

Suga is worrying his lip as he looks over his boyfriend currently filling up the shelf of canned sardines in the convenience store, “Do you think it’s my fault?”

He just finished his last class and decided to spend the rest of the day helping out with his boyfriend in the convenience store, if only to keep him occupied. Daichi stops and turns to face him with a frown, “You know that’s not true.” The guy walks towards him and pulls him into a side hug, “You should know better.”

Suga sighs, “But he was doing pretty good for the past days. And when I asked Iwaizumi to stop he just suddenly…”

“It’s another episode.” Daichi says, not liking the tone of voice his boyfriend is saying, “Besides, you’re right. It’s too soon to even consider Iwaizumi has anything to do with this one.”

Suga sighs, knowing Daichi is probably right, but still unable to deny the nagging thought in his head, “But do you think that added to the reason why?”

Daichi hums, “Well, even if that’s the case. What can we really do, right?”

“I don’t know.” Suga says exasperated, “Tell Iwaizumi why I told him to go away?”

“Do you think that will help?”

Daichi shrugs, “You’re best friends with Oikawa. Do you think it will?”

“You’re not being very helpful.”

“Koushi,” Daichi sighs, “Do you honestly want to know what I think? You wouldn’t like it.”

“Is it that bad?” Suga pouts and Daichi gives him a sympathetic smile, “I just think you should have trusted Oikawa more.”

With that, Daichi lets him go to head to the back of the store, but not before pressing a quick kiss on his forehead. Being best friends with Oikawa had him well acquainted with the elation and energy of his manic episodes and the difficulties of his depressive ones. Still, Oikawa has never shun him out this way.

He remembers the last time they talked—on the celebration of Oikawa being scouted for the national team together with Bokuto and Kuroo. He had found the guy smoking outside the bar they were drinking at; Oikawa is a lot drunk—which means he is speaking without barrier. He confessed feeling pressure at performing his best and how he feels like what he’s doing is not enough.

For some reason, Oikawa brought up the camp they spent weeks ago, how seeing his kouhai, Kageyama flourish in his natural talent, the _genius setter, _he had dubbed him. He eventually brought up Iwaizumi, who he thought he had a special connection with. His _Iwa-chan_ who ignored him right before the camp ended and it must be because he has scared him away because that’s what he does.

Suga felt guilty and came clean, telling him he had talked to Iwaizumi. He hoped his confession would lessen the guilt but Oikawa simply gave him a blank smile and told him, he was probably right for warning Iwaizumi.

That was almost a month ago. Oikawa has gone back home to Miyagi. Suga wonders now if he had been wrong, all along.

The door to the convenience store opens and Suga is staring at the devil himself. Iwaizumi Hajime is staring at him, surprised. It takes a while before both of them recover. Iwaizumi clears his throat, “I’m just here for some smokes.”

_As if he needed to explain why._ “Uh, right.” Suga nods looking at Iwaizumi, wondering if this guy, _this person_ is actually good for Oikawa. _Had I judged him wrongly? Did I jump into conclusions again?_

He remembers the last time this happened—how bad he misjudged someone, thinking the person is good enough for Oikawa. And how a couple of months later, he had found Oikawa in his bath tub, soaked, crying and bloodied from a cut he had made. He remembers how fast Oikawa had fallen in love how bad he had broken down.

Iwaizumi is staring at him, confused as he placed the pack of cigarettes on the counter. “Are you going to ring me up?” He asks.

“Yeah, sure.” Suga does ring him up and Iwaizumi wordlessly grabs his purchase. For a minute Suga is just watching him go, and the next minute, he’s calling him back, “Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi turns to him, frowning.

Suga takes a deep breath, hearing Daichi’s advice on him. _He has to trust Tooru._ “Tooru… Oikawa… He’s…” He swallows the lump in his throat and takes another breath, “He’s bipolar.”

He watches the other's eyes widen but notes the lack of words. He wonders if he should have said it to the guy. _What is he trying to do? As if that will change anything._ But he's already running his mouth, "There will always be good days, he will feel like he's on top of the world and you'll be with him, you'll enjoy him because he really does have redeeming qualities." He takes another deep breath, realizing how heavy this feelings have weighed down on him for the past month, "But then there will be the bad days... and bad doesn't even begin to describe it. Because he just... disappears inside him. And you can't do anything about it but just... just wait for him to come back."

Suga looks down, his sight blurry from unshed tears, "And I... me and Kuroo is always there. We're the people who gets him through the _bad days_. We just..."

A ring of the bell makes him look up in confusion. And Iwaizumi is just gone.

_ **...to be continued...** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send Oikawa some love <3


End file.
